{Underneath the Stars.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

bimbo post

freak fest for halloween at zouk tomorrow.

adamson asked if i wanna go.

honestly i dun mind, except that:

1) i haven't anything to wear, unless i go as the geeky smexhy reporter (complete with cat eye glasses, short hand notebook, diana f+, fishnet and booties)
2) zhongqi asked me to go dbl-o with him on sat night (and he refused to reply my sms abt tmr)

plus i not sure if xuwen going zouk too -- i refuse to feel like an oddball on my own. and i've a tonne of work to finish BEFORE sunday.

damn.

someone tell me!

-; little lotte } @ 7:38 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

first rolls -- success, mostly. >.<

here are some pictures.
all shot with beloved goddess, the diana F+.

black and white experiment.
x-pro experiment.

Labels: blackwhite, diana F+, film, peektures, photo, photography, x-pro

-; little lotte } @ 9:55 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

me has found more than 20 songs. WOOHOO!!

was going to do a national anthem repertoire, but realised that i'm probably going to die for my presentation. what if chee hoe picks something i can't sing?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

*FAINTS*

i'm suddenly addicted to "the water is wide", by the way.

and you may ignore this random post.

i'm feeling the angst.

from my stupidity with LOMO X-Pro (40,000 deadstock around the world and i wasted one...), from stats, and the lack of food.

on another note, he's back in my life again. yes, jess can't make up her mind sometimes, but i supposed giving him another chance won't hurt. but we'll see. we'll see.

Labels: mrt guy, music

-; little lotte } @ 11:44 AM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

more spammage, because i went into apple store.

T___________________T

i want a macbook! granted that i've just depleted my savings, i shall stare at the screen and pretend i have one.

in the meantime, off for my salsa class.

for all you scuba and salsa addicts out there: BE TEMPTED!!!!

argh! MALDIVES, MALDIVES! CAN YOU HEAR ME?!

(no. i'm not going there. most unfortunate.)

-; little lotte } @ 4:24 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

i haven't time to don my lolita dresses in a while.

let's hope this hectic time will pass soon. i feel sad knowing that i will never wear another dress again with her.

-; little lotte } @ 3:45 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

i admit.

i screwed up a roll of XPRO Lomo last night while trying to rewind the film back into the canister. the reason, i forgot to count the number of frames thus far. hence, i ended up winding the whole damn thing back, despite only using two or three frames.

very expensive lesson indeed.

i am going to make that screw up into a keychain, and hang it somewhere as a reminder to remember and not be silly, like i had. as for my last two rolls, i'm going to load my diana up.

will post up my results for my last two rolls tmr when i pick up the film. wish me luck.

on another note, i need to write down a list of to do, lest i forget.

math tutorial 5 AND 6

20 songs for chee hoe's class

math elearning part 2

music arrangement (for goodness sake, FIND THE DAMN CRACK!)

music reflection for june's class

video

music report

ARGH.

i cant wait for the week to be over.

and yes, as i'm writing this, i'm doing my elearning part 1.

-; little lotte } @ 3:38 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

i suddenly hate fried food. :X

i've also decided that i'm allergic to alcohol.

-; little lotte } @ 12:00 AM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Monday, October 27, 2008

hello stranger.

i find myself attracted to you.

the hours spent communicating over IM over everything and nothing.

isn't it funny how we haven't met?

i'm afraid to let you too close to me. because sometimes this magic is just broken by the sheer knowledge of knowing.

-; little lotte } @ 1:03 AM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Sunday, October 26, 2008

home sweet home

daddy is home! :)

*HAPPY*

-; little lotte } @ 8:51 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Saturday, October 25, 2008

thanks joann and joey!~

love baby jess to pieces -- couldn't stop shaking her paw to make her meow.

here's a pic of the lovely kitteh. had been eyeing her since sept!!!

hello new bed partner!~ XD

Labels: peekture

-; little lotte } @ 11:10 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Thursday, October 23, 2008

poison apples

i had no intention of posting this up at first because it was meant as a teaser for my publicity poster. but the picture calls out to me. (in the meantime, let this be a teaser for everyone who is interested to know what i'm doing in the theatre.)

shot my apple against the mirror this morning at the nanyang playhouse. did the shoot in black and white, and then recoloured using photoshop.

camera used: nikon E5700

c&c welcome.

on another note, thanks everyone for your encouragement. :)

Labels: apples, camera, nikon, peekture, photo, photography, theatre

-; little lotte } @ 5:06 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

the hardest thing in life is to convince oneself to trust.

i need to trust my parents' words. i need to learn to put away my insecurities and fears, and continue to lead a normal life.

because i know deep down: this is what my parents would want for me anyway. they would want me to continue doing the things i love despite everything around me.

life cannot stop.

life doesn't stop for anyone.

i just got to believe.

-; little lotte } @ 1:31 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

dear God,

please please please please please.

watch over my daddy please?

don't take him away from me yet; i haven't told him how much he means to me.

give me time. i will make the best of whatever is left.

i admit, i'm not ready to deal with the grievances. i'm not ready to deal with my fears. i'm childish, i'm selfish but please, dont. because i really lack the courage to go on. i can't deal with my demons, and i need my parents' hands.

watch over my daddy please.

he's a good man.

be ok daddy.

be ok.

we are all waiting for you to come home.

we are all waiting for you.

-; little lotte } @ 11:53 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

finding neverland

one never knew how precious another person is until one nearly lost.

i'm scared. i'm terrified.

back then i never thought i would grow old. back then i never thought my parents would grow old.

i had felt them. i had seen them. and i know i cannot run away from this grim reality much as i wanted to. it's easier to pretend that neverland exists, and that peter pan will grant us the chance to stay they way we were.

i know that is not true. these lies cannot overturn the grim truth, and the things i have to deal with. much as i hate to lose anyone close to me, i cannot change the facts of life. i cannot overturn nature's law. neither can i pretend away.

but for now, let me have my family. let my daddy be ok. let my mommy be ok. let us be ok because i haven't tell them i love them yet. because there's still time left if i stop pretending and find the courage to be with them.

-; little lotte } @ 9:13 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

work work work.

i'm suddenly sick of everything around me.

-; little lotte } @ 4:54 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

surrender

effectively, we aren't talking and it bothers me.

but what good would talking do now?

all that's left are empty chocolate boxes. someone ate the chocolates a long time ago, but none of us realised that. it's a pity we fell out because of something like lolita, and honestly, i would trade all my stuff in my wardrobe just to have her back.

still, it wouldn't change anything, would it?

and yes. talking isn't going to do us any good now.

i give up and from this moment on, i will NEVER speak of this again.

-; little lotte } @ 12:41 AM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Monday, October 20, 2008

because i'm weak

dear God,

i'm 2 months into my first semester in my final year.
i'm on the verge of giving up.

dear God,

i pray to you for strength.
i pray to you to guide me, so that i do not lost track of why i had embarked on this journey almost 4 years back.

dear God,

i have no idea what lies in store for me, and i'm scared.
i pray to you for faith, and i pray that i will learn to trust you and the direction you have set for me.

dear God,

i pray to you:

(be my eyes.
guide me.)

because i'm your unworthy child who has lost her way and is trying to find herself back to you again.

-; little lotte } @ 8:56 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

i must learn to walk one step at a time.

i must learn to see, to feel, to understand my life in this place.

because overtime i have lost my way. overtime i have turned away.

and my mind's eyes are clouded; i can no longer see.

-; little lotte } @ 1:25 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Sunday, October 19, 2008

so many things we haven't said.

so many things we haven't done.

and then too soon, you left.

can i find you back before everything is too late?

-; little lotte } @ 3:57 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

linger III

i realise my style of writing changes when i write about you.

i can rant about cameras, truckload of shit and other things. but when it comes to you, little words are needed to express how i feel.

i miss you.

the small actions. the sudden smiles. the random things. the little touches. the lingering kisses. the quiet contact. the interlocking of fingers when the world isn't watching and how we break apart after that.

we always do. we always do.

even when you have to rush somewhere. some parts of you still linger.

and still i can sense your presence in my life even though i try hard not to think and talk about you.

you never left.

not for me.

-; little lotte } @ 1:13 AM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Saturday, October 18, 2008

linger you still do.

every moment.

-; little lotte } @ 11:06 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

that familiar lingering scent.

i had missed.

-; little lotte } @ 12:32 AM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Thursday, October 16, 2008

little red riding hood + orientalism + feminism + psychoanalysis = ??

i finished writing an introduction for the play i was talking about a few entries back.

still, i'm not entirely satisfied with it. after all, i am still trying to find the links and threads to sew two completely different tales together. looking at my notes, it is very clear that power and women play a very important role in shaping my play. however, i'm convinced that a stronger voice needs to be present but i still can't figure out what. hmm, ideas anyone?

and i'm screwing up very badly for music. T________________T why audacity won't cooperate with me? and yes, i've given up on stupid Finale. why demo cannot save? so not fair. :(

Labels: ideas, music, theatre

-; little lotte } @ 5:00 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

what came in the mail, part 2

yes, the pics.

pardon the blurry pics.
i used my mobile today instead of my SLR.
lazy.
>P

hello toys!

Labels: camera, photography, toys

-; little lotte } @ 11:20 PM
2 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

so cute!

guess what came in the mail today? XD

yes, will post pics when my phone gets charged later. i ripped the box open without a proper box opening ceremony.

and yes, the clues -- they are in my labels. XD

Labels: camera, film, photography

-; little lotte } @ 9:49 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

i'm thinking of taking my devised work on little red riding hood and reworking it to make it more complete. i like the idea of imaging and multimedia -- i'm sure something can be worked out. perhaps i could take my idea to dr. jane and see what she thinks. :)

i'm currently working on a script now. hopefully it comes out asap, and i can get down to work. after all, this idea has been plaguing me since last year. and it sucks not to write everything down. i'm keeping the thoughts a secret for now; not telling you guys what i have in mind so you will have to wait and see like everyone else does. XD

Labels: theatre

-; little lotte } @ 10:49 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Monday, October 13, 2008

tried the pinhole function on diana today.

left my camera on the table while jae and me worked on our publicity concept for our play. i have no idea how long i left the shutter open -- in any case, i suspect i might get a blurry thing since we were constantly moving around. haha.

just loaded my golden half with BW too. will be sending two rolls of film to develop maybe tmr. i'm just too tired now.

anyway, i might be going taiwan AND bintan this dec with mandy dearest!~ :) since i'm planning to go cairns for my grad trip next may, might as well make it an around aussie trip on my own after that.

any takers?

Labels: camera, diana F+, film, photography, pinhole, travel

-; little lotte } @ 12:32 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Sunday, October 12, 2008

i got a new bag on sat.

it's lovely and fits my golden half and diana (flash, film and all!). plus, it's small and flat -- and looks nothing like those huge camera bags that i'm so familiar with. THOSE LOOK LIKE WATER BOTTLES CAN??????

with all the cushioning on the inside, i'm also VERY sure my cameras can take hard knocks without ending up in camera heaven. and yes, i tested it today when i was trying to get out of a dress in the changing room, and i accidentally stepped on the side of the bag. plus, orchard usually isn't nudge free on sundays.

anyway, got two rolls of BW -- one in medium format and one in the normal 135. i've loaded diana up, and shot 3 shots so far -- first two with multiple exposure and flash. wanted to test to see what kind of stuff i will get so i know what to do for ellen's wedding. i'm pretty excited even though i feel kind of blur at the moment. >.<

on another note, i tried this simple toga looking white dress at daniel yam. surprisingly it came off nice, with the asymmetrical hem and all. the detailing on the shoulder was lovely too and all these for 100$. i might consider it. but first, going to visit a few more shops before making up my mind. :)

for now, out.

bed beckons. will blog more abt sat in detail maybe later. XD

Labels: camera, photography, toys

-; little lotte } @ 11:13 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Friday, October 10, 2008

something broke the day we talked.

sometimes a thing like this make or break a relationship. i wonder if there was any between me and her in the first place. perhaps i was wrong to think that i can be something to her. perhaps i was wrong to think that i can do something for her.

i'm caught up in this whirlwind and i don't know what is it.

the day i decided to walk away from the lolita circle, we grew apart. the cracks are more obvious now. perhaps i'm lying to myself when i think such doesn't exist. the only thread that seems to hold us now -- violin. but even so, i can feel that this thread is slowly breaking.

maybe i was nothing to her. and am still nothing to her.

i'm helpless. i don't know what else i can do.

after all, i'm just the useless cousin.

i've always been that useless cousin.

i can never do anything right for anyone. i can never be of anything to anyone, much less her.

Labels: (屮ﾟДﾟ)屮

-; little lotte } @ 8:40 PM
1 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Thursday, October 9, 2008

this topsy turvy world we live in.

i can't get enough of the things around me.

Labels: camera, photography, toys

-; little lotte } @ 10:41 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

i decided to take diana flash to sch today because i wanted to test the flash with golden half. plus, bring diana to sch is abit funny when i can't do anything since i forgot to pick up a roll of 120 for her.

anyway...

you know what?!

while taking the pics INSIDE the playhouse, smart me forgot to remove the blardy lens cover. T_______________T wasted a few shots.

and the other stupid thing one can do? -- fire the flash in my own face.

BEST.

and many many many thanks to yimmj from 8storeytree! :)

moving away from photography and cameras.

mambo! sentosa! salsa! bowling! fooooood!

omg! so many things i wanna do.

and yes, i'm typing like some retard today because i'm super super super tired from a long day. and this endless rant post is just to tell everyone how stupid jess can get, and that she is stressed enough to walk right into jean yip and just get a hair cut without thinking. much.

no worries ellen! i can still tie the tresses up! :)

Labels: super random

-; little lotte } @ 10:44 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

the Goddess hath cometh

yes. i went down to kino to pick up Diana F+ today.

total damage: 182$

i just ordered a 35 back for her, so it's going to cost me another 70$ but i'm going to ask him to put this order with my other one so i don't have to cough out for shipping.

anyway, since i've already hit my budget of 300$ with 3 cameras AND a tripod AND a back, i will stop collecting toys for now. heh.

going to try some expired films one of these days. watch this space! XD

Labels: camera, photography, toys

-; little lotte } @ 11:47 PM
2 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

we all know it's the forbidden fruit.

then why do we still insist on taking the bite?

Labels: camera, photography, toys

-; little lotte } @ 1:31 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Sunday, October 5, 2008

randoming is fun!

i'll let the pics talk.

pics shot on nikon E5100. mostly by yin ning. :)

first stop: books actually.

there's a cat there. his name is cake.

according to perly, kitteh is shy.

then we started on our adventure.

yin ning taking a pic of me and xuwen taking pics.

then we decided on a little fun.

xuwen decided not to join in. for now.

then we decided to try together.

yes, i look like i threw her. haha.

then we decided to play with the lamppost.

xuwen pwn'ed everyone big time. XD

more random:

at clark quay, we decided to chase birds.

we phail. so no pics. hahaha. then xuwen had a random. so we did it.

we attracted a lot of stares, lol.

and something to end for now:

will send my roll for developing soon! XD

Labels: peektures, random

-; little lotte } @ 11:46 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Saturday, October 4, 2008

two more weeks...

Two more weeks...

I hope the stocks come in quick!!!

Now back to test construction.

Labels: camera, photography, toys

-; little lotte } @ 8:54 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

MOAR CAMERAAAAAAAAAS

i caved in and ordered:

1) Demekin Fisheye Camera
2) Ikimono 110 Camera
3) Gorillapod (mini bendy tripod. cooler than johnnie's mono! haha!)

total damages: 88$

both cameras use 110mm film -- essentially i'm digging my own grave here because smart people knows 110mm films are hard to find around sg. -.- AND the only shop that develops and print (at least i know of!) is in hong lim square. WOOOTS! new discovery.

and i STILL want my dianaaaaaa!!!! (diana uses medium format film which means i need to get the 35mm film backing if i do get diana...)

and yes, no holga.

on another note, i resisted the temptation to get jelly cameras. (imagine squishing cameras to take a shot. hahaha...) but that's cos the one i wanted was oos.

GAWD CAMERAS!!! blardy poison i swear. and it all started with a golden half and a book camera. >.<

Labels: (屮ﾟДﾟ)屮, camera, film, photography, toys

-; little lotte } @ 12:11 AM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Friday, October 3, 2008

poison poisoned.

toys are pure poison.

look what caught my eyes these few days! :)

Black Bird. Demekin Fisheye Camera. Ikimono 110 Camera.

all from 8storeytree.

damn damn damn.

and holga baby looks damn good to me too. considering i already have a 110 toy, i think i'm going to let these slide.

in the meantime, i'm torn between diana and holga.

Labels: (屮ﾟДﾟ)屮, camera, photography, toys

-; little lotte } @ 5:33 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Thursday, October 2, 2008

is wanting to puke. :(

i confessed -- i ate too much.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 1:12 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

all right stupid turtle.

i'm putting this up just to prove i'm not lesbian. damn idiot you know? -- now that you have a boyfriend and i'm still that tomboy? >P i swear you are so going to pay when you come back to singapore at the end of the year. *heh*

so yes, according to turtle, i should put up a list of "what i want" in a guy. blardy secondary school, if you ask me, and totally not funny.

-.-|||

1) he must share at least one or more of my hobbies or interests: diving, photography, baking, music, RO, theatre. yes, i don't expect him to love lolita and dolls (that will be so GHAY) but it will be nice if he walks next to me even when i'm in my ridiculous garb.

2) smart, please, brains and presentation. i can't stand sloppy people.

3) likes to discover new things. i don't know what kind of new things, but an adventure is always fun. :)

list no exhaustive. i'm stopping here because i don't know how else to continue.

there, turtle. HAPPY?! >.<

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 7:30 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

hello singaporeans.

i had the most exciting time at imm this afternoon.

have you ever tried bringing out an elderly who's on a wheelchair before? even though the mall has been equipped with lifts and travellators, my whole experience had been made extremely ... how should i put it?... exciting?... yea, i think that's the word. the whole experience had been made extremely exciting by all of you. yes, that's right. you.

how many times do i have to duck my way around to avoid being hit by shopping carts, running children and fat aunties who stopped in the middle of an aisle to do their shopping? i think i have to grow like a few extra fingers and hands to count. oh, and how about this? -- some of you made some contact around the ankles with the wheelchair, no? i was most impressed by that stupendous glare you gave me, when it was you who decided to stop in the middle of nowhere, and rather unexpectedly too, while walking. and by the way, i wasn't tail-gating.

so thank you very much for making my experience out today enjoyable.

i am most appalled by the degree of ungraciousness, not to mention, the horror of people's attitudes towards elderly and disabled people.

-; little lotte } @ 7:22 PM
0 comments

~~the superficial world.~~