{Underneath the Stars.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I think his name is JERRY!

Yes, this post was meant for YESTERDAY!~ But yours truly was feeling kind of lazy to type out last night because I was ah, reading and doing spammage of Facebook and MSN.

So, yesterday me and Harriet crawled out of bed at 12 plus, 1pm in the afternoon. We had intended to go to Ben & Jerry's for free cones EARLY, but I ended sleeping into the afternoon cos I was so very tired. By the time I got up, I was actually thinking of not going.

But still we went, and here is my spoil:

I HUGGED A CUTE AND FUZZY COW!~ :D

< random > Sms'ed Kaiqian to share the joy, and he said maybe this cow is called Jerry cos he came after the skinny cow with udders are the wrong place *ahem* (so logically, skinny cow must be Ben)! So from now on, cute cow with big head and happy grin is call JERRY! :D I LIKE! Stupid John asked if Jerry has gotten mad cow disease from me. Not funny, buddy, NOT FUNNY! *lol*

Harriet refused a pic cos she has 'teddy bear' hair. I just look plain silly, but who cares?! :D

Labels: photo, random

-; little lotte } @ 4:42 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Monday, April 28, 2008

The Lack of Control

Needs to learn how to push trolleys in shopping malls and supermarts properly.

XDDDD

Also needs to learn to walk properly without bouncing around.

Apparently, visit to Giant at IMM today resulted in disasters, more than once.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 7:34 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

All in the feelings

Is feeling smart.

Unfortunately, we all know the real story behind Jess's brain. Sometime not too long ago she must have done a Homer Simpson, and is now living with a crayon in her brain.

That probably explains the occasional retarded-ness and randomness that plagues her. Everyone around her, please forgive.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 1:06 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Trials and Tribulations

I think God is testing me.

I'm going to stay strong. I will not let myself stray away from the choices I have made.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 1:53 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Just One More For Today

I quote Lucy Westenra (Dracula, chapter 5):

Why can’t they let a girl marry three men, or as many as want her, and save all this trouble?

Will talk to Ellen and see what she says. :(

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 12:53 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Somewhere

Because I really don't know what else to do anymore.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 11:21 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Friday, April 25, 2008

My Severe Lack

Yes.

I'm here to confess something...

I am severely lacking when it comes down to ambition!

Well, well...

Aren't you all amazed? For a blardy perfectionist who seeks nothing BUT perfection and demands the highest possible achievements -- and then, now you're hearing such shit coming out from her?! *tsk tsk*

Yes. I had been a fool to reject that degree from NTU, and to go NIE. But I never regretted this decision. Life happens for a reason. People come and go for a reason. It wasn't by chance I chose to study Theatre. It wasn't by chance I met people who affected my life in ways they probably didn't know, particularly, Joann, Marcus, Joey, Mr. Dennis Yeo, Mandy and Dr. Jane.

So here goes:

Mr. Yeo: I used to hate literature. The reason why I did Lit in PJC at first was simply because I didn't have a choice. It's funny how it started, but I grew to love the subject. I guess Mr. Yeo played a pretty big part here, because he encourages me to question. Even now he still does -- the never ending whys become my quest to discover more. And I appreciate the fact that he never tells me what to think; instead, he pushes my thinking further with more questions in answer to my questions. That is pretty hard to come by if you ask me, and I never want that kind of discourse to stop.

Joann: Babe, I've already told you online, but I'm still going to say it again. You really inspired me!!!! I guess it all started when I saw your stack of readings for lit review and your dedication and thanks in your thesis, I felt a deep feeling washed over me. I knew then, this dream wasn't impossible. But still I was afraid. But I know we can do this together! :) I won't forget: PHD @ 32@ Let's make this happen!

Mandy: To be honest, I actually put down my pen for a really long time. I haven't written a decent piece of poetry. And although I still love photography, I couldn't find the inspiration. But when you knocked so unexpectedly on my door, I knew I had to start writing again. My love for poetry couldn't die just overnight; we will ignite these stories together! <3

Marcus: I will always remember you as the irritatingly nice person who has the patience to listen to my rants especially after my break up even though you didn't know me then. You didn't even have to talk to me; you could have just laughed at me, after I clumsily spilled the entire bottle of soft drink on myself. And then, there was that disastrous night at Phuture with JH. :/ I really appreciate your presence in my life even though time wasn't long. And the courage you gave me to face my dreams, and to love again -- because if I hadn't known you, I would probably still be bitter, living that awful life I had been living, and hating the world. And I would never find that worth in what I was doing, because I wouldn't want to leave the wallowing self pitying crap.

Joey: 3 years and we found each other again. The absence of that 3 years made knowing each other hard... but somehow I realised that you play a major part in my life too. You saw life in a very different manner -- and that viewpoint was refreshing enough for me. Where else can I get life with a pinch of salt, and learn how to shrug things off? :) After all, I have always been a rather tensed person. Having you around breaks the monotony, and I appreciate that. Of course, you are important in other ways too, because it was just amazing how our lives just intertwined like that, and I don't even call that fate.

Dr. Jane: Thanks, thanks and thanks! :) You gave me the space to grow in this one year, and I know I came a long way from when we first met last Sept till now. I'm really thankful that I have this space to explore, to discover my strengths and interests, and in that process, find myself again. I saw that my talents in observing people, in questioning, in visualising and thinking, and to accept them as part of myself... :) It hasn't been easy because I was convinced these were useless skills and talents... but now I know better.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 2:51 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Looking back

Life always tries to find ways to get the better of us.

I say, shrug it off, laugh it out and then, move on.

And then things always look a lot better on the other side.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 8:42 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

On Photography

The camera captures more than just an image.

It captures the soul of the picture, the feelings, emotions and atmosphere. It captures the moment, the memories, the things forgotten. Most importantly, it captures the essence of humanity in everything...

Yes. This is why I love photography. This is why I'm going back to my polaroids and my journal of thoughts.

Book Recommendation from Dr. Jane after a chat with her: Camera Lucida

Labels: photography, random

-; little lotte } @ 11:50 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Monday, April 21, 2008

BLGPS

I got posted!~

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 12:51 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

クラシカルドールドレス

Something lovely it on its way!

:D

Can't wait.

Labels: loli, OP, random, VM

-; little lotte } @ 12:19 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Alice WUT?!

Guess what I got in my wardrobe today?

今度のアリスの冒険は遊園地の世界☆
ゆっくりしていってくださいね！

Labels: baby, loli, OP, random

-; little lotte } @ 8:31 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Some More

Going to go town on Sat afternoon to shoot abit before meeting Ellen, Alex and Kaiqian.

I'm still trying to figure out my camera because each time I use it, I learn something new. Plus, the girl hasn't been shooting much lately. Since I'm making a special something for Ellen and Alex, on top of the wedding card thing, I think I shall put my skills to good use.

I will also be taking my trusty Polaroid out. It's been a while since I use my baby. For someone who started out in Polaroid before moving to digital photography, I think it's time I go back to my roots again.

:)

Labels: photography, random

-; little lotte } @ 12:39 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Human Condition

3 years ago, I stepped in the theatre to learn something about the art.

And in that process, I found myself.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 2:12 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Poetry and Pain

When Vivienne showed us this scene from Titus, I cringed because it was cruel and painful.

I never actually thought I will visit this scene again. But apparently I did because of some ideas I'm currently working on for a shoot. Inspiration comes in the strangest places I swear!~

So here's the scene. And yes, pain is poetic. Not to mention, there is something erotic and passionate about the entire presentation which only marked and made the loss of innocence and rape even harder to accept. :X

Lavina's Torture

Labels: ideas, random, shoots, video, violence

-; little lotte } @ 4:26 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Two or three weeks from now, most people I went to school with in secondary school will be graduating.

I feel kind of left out actually, and I wondered if I had been stupid to want to redo another year in JC then. I never regretted then, but now I looked back and I asked the what if. Then again, if I hadn't chosen to redo my first year, I wouldn't have figured out who I was as an individual and I wouldn't have met so many people who came to impact my life now.

That would have been rather tragic, if you ask me.

On another topic. Today went rather well. I finally got the guts to sms him and ask him out last night. Of course, during the half hour I was waiting for him to reply, I was panicky and nearly head the desk. Poor Alex had to endure the pure torture of my "OMG! WHAT DID I DO NOW?!"

jess. pixies. says:
kill me pls... :X
i just smsed him to ask him out
*heads*

`Alex || Believe || Roborovski || I'm having bad vibes... 'Tis all ending in tears. says:
good for u
kill u for what
then he will thinkn u stood him up

jess. pixies. says:
i think its lame la
sigh
-.-

`Alex || Believe || Roborovski || I'm having bad vibes... 'Tis all ending in tears. says:
lame
com'on
5 yrs from now
down the aisle
maybe
JUST maybe
u 2 will be thankful for this moment of foolishness
and me... i'll be at ur VIP table..
sipping wine
giving some speech and toast while piss drunk

I LOL-ed when I saw that, and felt a hundred times better. :)

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 1:02 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Monday, April 14, 2008

The First Musical I Ever Watched

I still remember it.

I was maybe 8, or 9. And I never forget the songs Eponine sang -- On My Own and A Little Fall of Rain. I always remember the song sang by Marius, Cosette and Eponine too... A Heart Full of Love and the lonely counter melody Eponine sang... It's amazing how this memory remains in me even after so many years.

This musical was the reason why I wanted to sing and do stage... only to have these dreams crushed when I grew older. But now I found it back. I found it back, and I don't want to let go.

So here is some vids I dug out at youtube, with my fav singer Lea Salonga, on vocals. She is so expressive, she's my role model. :)

On My Own

A Little Fall of Rain

Will post more soon! :)

Labels: music, musical, random, video

-; little lotte } @ 12:31 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Because.

Because deep down, she loves him, even though she pretends.
Because deep down, she cares for him, much more than she admits.
Because deep down, he means something to her, even if she denies it.
Because deep down, there is a little part that ties them together.
Because deep down, the girl is a lot more insecure than she shows to the world.
Because deep down, the girl is frightened, and very afraid.
Because deep down, she wishes that he will hear the unsaid, and not what she is saying.
Because deep down, she longs to hold his hand even though she pulls away.
Because deep down, his kisses meant a lot, although she laughs them away.
Because deep down, his words matter to her, and they give her her strength.
Because deep down, she really misses his presence and spending time with him.
Because deep down, he is special to her, even though she never said it.

Because deep down, she is hurting badly. Because he hurts her... he really hurts her...

Labels: poetry

-; little lotte } @ 9:48 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

new shoes!~

I need new shoes -- and very soon too.

Red tartan is turning into submarine. If this keeps up, I might as well not wear shoes right? Plus my heel is sort of hurting very badly cos of the nasty cut on Friday. It's swollen now, with a rather large bruise around it. I can't put my whole weight on my right foot now. :X Plus I forgot to cover it when I slept last night... so it hurt a lot this morning, especially in the shower although it didn't on Friday and Sat.

Why why why why why? Why am I soooooooooooooooooooo careless?!~ Jess really ought to be more careful before she gets injured.

And gotta thank Thomas for helping with Ellen's pic cos my stupid PS kept crashing. The only thing now is that her crown has got blue streaks... not quite what I had in mind. I thought maybe he might do something but... um, nvm. Forget it. I think I will hope my PS won't crash again when I try later. Sigh. And then there is the unit plan due tmr (actually tues but giving myself an earlier deadline helps).

In any case, FUCK.

I can't wait to finish English. Then I'm REALLY free.

Pfft.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 5:42 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Saturday, April 12, 2008

McGriddles

McDonald's hardly EVER get thumbs up from me.

But anyway, I forgot to blog about breakfast on Thursday. I mean, I wrote about Conference of the Birds, but that was about it. So now, I'm going to do the stupidest thing -- which is to blog a breakfast meant for two days ago. HAHA.

Ahem.

Anyway, as the story goes, me and Vivienne met for breakfast on Thursday morning. I wanted to get the usual mac breakfast.. the 2$ one cos I'm cheapo, I don't eat usually harsh browns... so generally, that meal suffices. Both of us set to meet at 8:30am, but guess what? as usual, the two ladies were sorta late, and we ended up meeting around 8:50am. By then, Viv was queuing for her subway, and I was at the Mac's counter. While queuing there, Viv who had finished earlier, came over to talk to me. We were looking at the newest McGriddles, and she asked me what it was. I didn't know cos it looked like a normal Sausage McMuffin with Egg and an extra patty. Seeing that I'd never tried it before, I decided to try it, and ordered it, expecting it to be something normal. Then we drove to the playhouse and made ourselves comfortable while waiting for everyone.

So anyway, after all the settling down and stuff, I unwrapped the burger and took a bite, thinking it's just a normal McMuffin -- and almost immediately, I let out a sigh of bliss. The burger is simply HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!! And I seriously felt damn contented after that. :D

Yeah. So that's about it from me.

EVERYONE SHOULD GO TRY!!!

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 11:50 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Timbre

Timbre was lovely last night.

Joann, Joey, Melissa and me shared 2 pizzas. To be honest, I'm still sort of craving for the 4 cheese pizza. *drools* For drinks, I had a beer and After 8. Joey tried Snowball and decided that it was milky 7-up. Joann had something nice -- I think it's Geluk or something like that. It had a cherry on the edge, and I thought it looked like a tiny tomato!~ But everyone else thought it was something else (tulip, radish etc etc etc)

Will post up pics when I get them from everyone. :)

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 6:26 PM
2 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

Friday, April 11, 2008

Less One Chunk

Stupid white board in NIE Playhouse took a chunk of my leg out. *grrr*

HOW THE HELL CAN I CLUB TONIGHT WITH ONE LESSER CHUNK ON MY FEET?! I CANT EVEN WEAR MY SHOES LA!

Well, ok -- clubbing isn't really on my list today la. Just wanna go Timbre... if the girls wanna go Zouk or something, then we all go. Otherwise, I'm going home to zZz after the amt of work, and then back to unit plan again. Stupid English. BAH!~ (and yes, I forgot to find Sally Jones today! I dunno if she got my mail. I'm not hearing anything from her... :X)

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 4:42 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Thursday, April 10, 2008

The End of the Conference

Have a sudden urge to do a shoot featuring Pierrot. I'm seriously thinking of taking my clowning idea somewhere. But let's see how goes.

Anyway, Conference of the Birds came out a lot better than I had thought. I guess it must be the sets and the lights and the masks. Thanks everyone! I had really enjoyed these 12 weeks of ride: the lessons, the discourse, the discussions, the sharing, the exchange, the late nights, the food etc etc etc... and not forgetting, the visit to the bird park!

I'm so going to miss all of you! God Bless each and every one of you: Cheryl, Raz, Naz, Viv, Helmi and Nathan.

<3<3<3

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 11:41 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

...

Don't cry, Jess. Don't cry.
Soon everything will be over,
And then you can rest well.

Can't wait for Friday. Can't wait to see Joann, Joey and Melissa for drinks.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 9:46 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Thumbs down :X

Subway @ NTU is opened!~ but...

I'M PISSED WITH THE SERVICE THERE!~

Long queue -- I can deal with it. BUT they toasted my cold cut even though I asked them not to!!!!!

See, what happened is that I decided to get a foot long sandwich and have it quartered. That way I can have half for lunch and half for dinner since NIE isn't opened by the time dinner bell rings during rehearsals. I didn't want it toasted because commonsense tells us that food heated up spoils a lot faster as it cools. :X But, the girl still toasted it!! :( Maybe she didn't understand me, cos she doesn't speak english. Sigh. Second time le, from Subway. First was at JP. And now this.

*wants to cry*

So now I have a foot long warm sandwich, turning soggy. *RAWR!*

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 4:09 PM
2 comments

~~the superficial world.~~

The Endless

So I spent sometime working through my layout again.
It is rather therapeutic, if you ask me.

Practicum briefing in half hour's time.
Rehearsals at 5:30pm.
Deadlines are drawing closer.
My music journal is due Thursday morning.
I forgot to go to work this morning;
I thought today is Monday.

I am a wreak.

Just a little bit more, Jess.
And then you can rest.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 1:58 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Life had been an adventure for me these last two years.

I've experimented, slipped up, messed up. Along the way, I figured some stuff out for myself and worked out what I want. I've run the wild side and lived life on the fast lane, crashed several times, and now, tired of the stupid cheap thrills I've been putting myself through.

At 20, I started living, and had big dreams. They had ended too soon, crashing like waves on shore, dissipating. That was when everything went terribly wrong for myself and I stopped believing. My dreams faded away, and I stopped thinking about them.

I had been a fool, thinking that I can live this life backwards, and not pay the price. The consequences had been heavy, and now I'm feeling the weight. Funny isn't it? I knew then, but I still did what I did, knowing I will look back with regret.

Now going 23 in November, I realised time had not waited for me. In fact, time had slipped past, and when I looked around me, I saw the stuff I had missed out. The things that happened, the things that might have been, the things I never ventured because I was too frightened of the big world. The things I could have done for myself, changed and maybe even more. I never once thought about how my folly can kill my dreams.

It is time I wake up from this part of my life, pack and move on. I want to be liberated from this thread of my life, and I don't want it to tie me down any longer. I'm now looking at a future -- uncertain and even terrifying, because I don't know what other things will come up for me. Still I hope because I have dreams... larger than life dreams, and those keep me going, living and unraveling, trying to comprehend the beauty and the awe that comes with this life.

I know this path will take me somewhere, and the effort I have to put in to make things work: they are worth it -- every single bit of it.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 9:43 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

NLC with Joann, Joey and Mel. :D

Yann Yann is good. Affandy is good. Paul is blardy funny. And then, there was Ivan Heng. Joey is still apprehensive about theatre because NLC is too stylised -- which I agree. So I'm going to find something straight forward for our next round. :D

Thought for the day: Language is limited, and is often lost in translation.

On another note, New York New York has nice soup. Epik burger is epik as usual. I still haven't worked out how to vapourise the whole thing considering my appetite lately... but *loves*

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 1:15 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Friday, April 4, 2008

needs to get work done.

:X

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 10:01 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Thursday, April 3, 2008

I Will Believe Nichole Nordeman

We were meant to open doors
And we were meant to face the danger
Never knowing what's in store
And never having met a stranger

One of us is big and brave
And one of us is tenderhearted
One of us is tempting fate
And the last but not least of us
Has faith enough for each of us

And I know
That I could never go it alone
'Cause I believe
I'd be lost without You here beside me

Chorus
It's like daylight
At midnight
It's my favorite dream when nothings really as it seems
Don't wake me
Just take me
Take me by the hand and I will believe

We have always been protected
Little ones should run and hide
But we expect the unexpected
When love arrives and calls us all inside

And I know
That even when the wind blows
I'll be fine
'Cause You and I will get by 'til Springtime

It's like daylight
At midnight
It's my favorite dream when nothings really as it seems
Don't wake me
Just take me
Take me by the hand and I will believe

Don't close your eyes, I'm right beside you
Don't be afraid, I'm never far
You and I were always meant to
Wake the dreamers from the dark
Come out, come out wherever you are

It's like daylight
At midnight
It's my favorite dream when nothings really as it seems
Don't wake me
Just take me
Take me by the hand and I will believe

Come out, come out wherever you are

Labels: lyrics, random

-; little lotte } @ 11:20 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

stupid jess. now you've done it. why did you send a msg as lame as that? :X

*headdesk*

yesssssssssssssir. jess will wear a paper bag over her head. paper bag will be made out of newspaper. good for environment. save the earth. plus added bonus of ability to read newspaper while the bag covers the head. 3-in-1, for a stupid stupid sms.

stupid jess. now you've really blown this one. and smart ppl know good stuff knocks only once. you took the fall once. and now you've done it again.

bleah.

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 1:34 AM
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~~the superficial world.~~

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

ZOMG!

I FORGOT IT'S APRIL'S FOOLS DAY TODAY!

So for now, let me share with you my latest addiction:

Labels: random

-; little lotte } @ 9:22 PM
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~~the superficial world.~~