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"even now I keep calling your name."

*****

playing Abrazame Tamara







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Wednesday, September 28, 2005
.eats.away.
Time eats away you inside. Pause for a minute - before you know it, you're a minute older; a minute closer to death...

And nothing ever changes.


-; little lotte } @ 7:40 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

.eats.away.
Time eats away you inside. Pause for a minute - before you know it, you're a minute older; a minute closer to death...

And nothing ever changes.


-; little lotte } @ 7:40 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Monday, September 26, 2005
.be.me.
I watched a snippet of Billy Elliot today.

I want to do a Billy Elliot.
I want to let go of societal's constraints;
I want to spread my wings and fly above.
I want to chase those shadows in my minds,
and turn those dark thoughts towards the light.
I want to fulfill my broken dreams;
I want to discover myself within.

I want to strip myself of the layers of masks.
I want to cover the truth deep down inside.

I want to see.
I want to feel.
I want to breathe.

Again.

I just want to be me.


-; little lotte } @ 10:23 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

.be.me.
I watched a snippet of Billy Elliot today.

I want to do a Billy Elliot.
I want to let go of societal's constraints;
I want to spread my wings and fly above.
I want to chase those shadows in my minds,
and turn those dark thoughts towards the light.
I want to fulfill my broken dreams;
I want to discover myself within.

I want to strip myself of the layers of masks.
I want to cover the truth deep down inside.

I want to see.
I want to feel.
I want to breathe.

Again.

I just want to be me.


-; little lotte } @ 10:23 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

.love.
Isn't it funny how this little 4-letter word can mean so much? According to the dictionary, love means:

1)A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

2)A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

3)An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object

To me, it is a deep feeling - that says alot without words, always present, always felt, but not understood.

***

[sigh]

Dare I love again after all these things that had happened to me? Sometimes I think back about my love life, and think that it probably makes a very good soap opera.

I had a wonderful ex of 5 years whom I loved deeply.
Then I had another young man whose life I made an impact on unknowingly till now - and he had been loving me for the last 3 over years.
Not forgetting my two best buddies and friends - young men who stood by me for the last few years too, and we had even dated several times.
And did I mention the big disaster that lasted 6 months? I knew he was sleeping around; I knew he had other girls other than me; and still I stood by him ... only to be dumped in the end.
Then there was my collegue who was 10 years my senior, who hopes that one day I would be his wife.

Everything fell apart in the end. And I was left at the other side, looking at my teenhood, separated by a glass. I can see them; I can feel the fresh pain; and I can't do anything to stem these flowing wounds...

***

Ever since I enter university and started my degree, I'm starting to think that I am merely running away from my messed up life. Running far far away, even though I know I cannot hide in the end.


-; little lotte } @ 2:33 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

.love.
Isn't it funny how this little 4-letter word can mean so much? According to the dictionary, love means:

1)A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.

2)A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

3)An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object

To me, it is a deep feeling - that says alot without words, always present, always felt, but not understood.

***

[sigh]

Dare I love again after all these things that had happened to me? Sometimes I think back about my love life, and think that it probably makes a very good soap opera.

I had a wonderful ex of 5 years whom I loved deeply.
Then I had another young man whose life I made an impact on unknowingly till now - and he had been loving me for the last 3 over years.
Not forgetting my two best buddies and friends - young men who stood by me for the last few years too, and we had even dated several times.
And did I mention the big disaster that lasted 6 months? I knew he was sleeping around; I knew he had other girls other than me; and still I stood by him ... only to be dumped in the end.
Then there was my collegue who was 10 years my senior, who hopes that one day I would be his wife.

Everything fell apart in the end. And I was left at the other side, looking at my teenhood, separated by a glass. I can see them; I can feel the fresh pain; and I can't do anything to stem these flowing wounds...

***

Ever since I enter university and started my degree, I'm starting to think that I am merely running away from my messed up life. Running far far away, even though I know I cannot hide in the end.


-; little lotte } @ 2:33 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

.no.other.
Third cheerleading prac.

I'm turning cheerleading-hockey-and-softball-obsessed, I swear. I'm looking forward to every training, never mind the fact that I'm probably going to end up with more bruises and aching muscles. I guess that is what one would call finding joy in what one is doing ;)

Anyway, today's training is a revision of all the work we had done so far. I was freaked out when it was time to do the shoulder-stand. But I went ahead to try anyway ...

The first time was absolutely disastrous. I couldn't stand up straight; I kept leaning forward; my legs felt like jelly around the knees; and my stupid feet just can't seem to balance!! It felt like I was slipping off all the time. I was frustrated, upset and totally frightened - so much so that my screams sort of got everyone around. How bloody embarassing.

-.-

But I managed to get up in the end. Still got some working to do though, so next session - work hard work hard work hard!!!


-; little lotte } @ 2:25 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

.no.other.
Third cheerleading prac.

I'm turning cheerleading-hockey-and-softball-obsessed, I swear. I'm looking forward to every training, never mind the fact that I'm probably going to end up with more bruises and aching muscles. I guess that is what one would call finding joy in what one is doing ;)

Anyway, today's training is a revision of all the work we had done so far. I was freaked out when it was time to do the shoulder-stand. But I went ahead to try anyway ...

The first time was absolutely disastrous. I couldn't stand up straight; I kept leaning forward; my legs felt like jelly around the knees; and my stupid feet just can't seem to balance!! It felt like I was slipping off all the time. I was frustrated, upset and totally frightened - so much so that my screams sort of got everyone around. How bloody embarassing.

-.-

But I managed to get up in the end. Still got some working to do though, so next session - work hard work hard work hard!!!


-; little lotte } @ 2:25 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Friday, September 16, 2005
.a.day.without.rain.
Once again, I was one of the few girls who showed up for hockey. It's starting to turn into some trend - I think, considering that I'm always the only one. I don't have a problem with it, but it is kind of awkward to like play with the boys all the time...

Oh well.

Anyway, several dates to note:
* 12 Sept - dad's birthday
* 14 Sept - Yi Jun and Sze Ting's birthday
* 24 Sept - Aik Tiao's birthday

I know I miss all, save Aik Tiao's ... Happy be-lated Birthday! -hugs-


-; little lotte } @ 10:11 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

.a.day.without.rain.
Once again, I was one of the few girls who showed up for hockey. It's starting to turn into some trend - I think, considering that I'm always the only one. I don't have a problem with it, but it is kind of awkward to like play with the boys all the time...

Oh well.

Anyway, several dates to note:
* 12 Sept - dad's birthday
* 14 Sept - Yi Jun and Sze Ting's birthday
* 24 Sept - Aik Tiao's birthday

I know I miss all, save Aik Tiao's ... Happy be-lated Birthday! -hugs-


-; little lotte } @ 10:11 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005
.ouch.
Yesterday was cheerleading practice - my first ever!

-woohoo-

It was really fun.

My position as a flier was confirmed, and the reason? - everyone thinks I'm light and small enough. I do have to admit, I'm pretty short ... but the light part, I'm not so sure. -.-

Anyway, we did some stretches yesterday - I was damn stiff and could hear my bones cracking. Then, we attempted the shoulder-sit. My partner was Andrew, and I have to climb up to his shoulders. Then I wanted to vault down. But since I sort of kicked him [at some sensitive part ... erms] while I was practising the jump [with him supporting], he decided that it was best I didn't vault off. Plus, I was pretty unstable even with him holding my legs and keeping me still.

After that, we did the 'elevator'. The 'elevator' consists of 2 supporters, 1 spotter and myself.

I had to do this little tuck jump up onto the palms of the 2 supporters, aided by the spotter holding my waist. Then I was supposed to bounce on my knees once so that the supporters could use that mometum to life me higher. Then I had to straighten up immediately, elbows and knees locked, with the supporters holding my shoes only.

[yeah ... i was stepping on 2 pairs of hands, and nothing around me]

And it wasn't as difficult as it really was.

I mean, I did get scared at first going up, 'cos there's this thought in my mind - "What if I fall?" The first time, I did fall. But the 3 guys were great. They always caught me before I broke any bones in my body. On the second try, I was able to straighten up very quickly.

It was enphoric. And, for once, I was tall enough to touch the ceiling, lol.

After that, came the next part which was slightly harder. The two supporters were supposed to do a sweep [as in push my feet forward]. That move will break my stance, allowing me to fall into a cradle, supported by all the 3 guys. The first few sweeps were horrible. I ended falling straight into their arms, sitting up and rather clumsy. Then they tried the sweep with a little throw. It turned out not bad, and I was less clumsy.

Of course, there is a little price to pay. Right now, my waist, my leg muscles and my back muscles are super sore and slightly bruised. And I still have hockey tomorrow. -lol-

But I'll probably get used to it in a while. After all, I'm able to stretch a lot further today ... after all that intensive stretching yesterday.

Heh.


-; little lotte } @ 12:20 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

.ouch.
Yesterday was cheerleading practice - my first ever!

-woohoo-

It was really fun.

My position as a flier was confirmed, and the reason? - everyone thinks I'm light and small enough. I do have to admit, I'm pretty short ... but the light part, I'm not so sure. -.-

Anyway, we did some stretches yesterday - I was damn stiff and could hear my bones cracking. Then, we attempted the shoulder-sit. My partner was Andrew, and I have to climb up to his shoulders. Then I wanted to vault down. But since I sort of kicked him [at some sensitive part ... erms] while I was practising the jump [with him supporting], he decided that it was best I didn't vault off. Plus, I was pretty unstable even with him holding my legs and keeping me still.

After that, we did the 'elevator'. The 'elevator' consists of 2 supporters, 1 spotter and myself.

I had to do this little tuck jump up onto the palms of the 2 supporters, aided by the spotter holding my waist. Then I was supposed to bounce on my knees once so that the supporters could use that mometum to life me higher. Then I had to straighten up immediately, elbows and knees locked, with the supporters holding my shoes only.

[yeah ... i was stepping on 2 pairs of hands, and nothing around me]

And it wasn't as difficult as it really was.

I mean, I did get scared at first going up, 'cos there's this thought in my mind - "What if I fall?" The first time, I did fall. But the 3 guys were great. They always caught me before I broke any bones in my body. On the second try, I was able to straighten up very quickly.

It was enphoric. And, for once, I was tall enough to touch the ceiling, lol.

After that, came the next part which was slightly harder. The two supporters were supposed to do a sweep [as in push my feet forward]. That move will break my stance, allowing me to fall into a cradle, supported by all the 3 guys. The first few sweeps were horrible. I ended falling straight into their arms, sitting up and rather clumsy. Then they tried the sweep with a little throw. It turned out not bad, and I was less clumsy.

Of course, there is a little price to pay. Right now, my waist, my leg muscles and my back muscles are super sore and slightly bruised. And I still have hockey tomorrow. -lol-

But I'll probably get used to it in a while. After all, I'm able to stretch a lot further today ... after all that intensive stretching yesterday.

Heh.


-; little lotte } @ 12:20 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005
.heh.
The theory of opposite attracts holds true for some friends who recently got attached.

[heh]

Moving on ...

Yesterday I went for my first training for hockey. I didn't want to go at first - cos I have no hockey background. Plus I got whack pretty badly once. Obviously, it was like my fear for basketball and netball. There was no way I was going to play ... or at least that was what I thought.

But Zhaowei, the hockey IC, managed to track me down a couple of evenings back when I was crapping with WeiKun who was trying to get me into the committee for 9-5 [party from 9pm to 5am]. He cornered me and Jess, and asked us to join in the training. I was skeptical, but I went anyway, yesterday.

And boy! - That was fun. [although I'm one of the pathetic 4 girls there ...]

Bernard - the hockey captain - taught me how to pass and stop the ball. It was difficult at first cos I got a weak left arm. But turned out quite ok after that. I still have probs sometimes, cos I tend to treat the game like tennis on the floor. [lol] It was highly hilarious. :)

Then the boys' team divided into two groups to play a friendly match against each other. The girls were asked to join too. I ended up with a group of highly 'high' people who were very enthusiastic. I played center, so was practically running up and down the court. -.- The guys were nice - they always passed the ball to me, even though I stink horribly at stopping the ball. [heh]

After that, dinner at 9pm.

We had another hoolabaloo. This time the argument over who was stinking out the place. Our target was Qing Ling [sp?] who was soaking wet and carrying our hockey sticks. Poor guy! We kept laughing, while he went around the carpark at our hall asking people if he was stinking!! While there, we ran into another group of friendly people [Jesseln included] who were going to K-Box. They invited me to go with them. Which, I did. [double heh]

It was damn crap and funny and fun. We rioted the place down with our voices, then went back at 3am. I was damn tired. While hanging around Jess's room [was waiting for her to pick up her things], some of the guys on the 4th floor saw me, and started talking to me. They all thought we went out to 'chiong'. [lol] I don't think I look like that kind of girl leh...

Laundry at 4am, slept till 6.30. Woke up to hang out the washed clothes, then went back to sleep till 8 plus. Boy, I feel like a pig.

And now, I've got work to do, and then evening - cheerleading.

Can't wait!

[heh]


-; little lotte } @ 11:29 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

.heh.
The theory of opposite attracts holds true for some friends who recently got attached.

[heh]

Moving on ...

Yesterday I went for my first training for hockey. I didn't want to go at first - cos I have no hockey background. Plus I got whack pretty badly once. Obviously, it was like my fear for basketball and netball. There was no way I was going to play ... or at least that was what I thought.

But Zhaowei, the hockey IC, managed to track me down a couple of evenings back when I was crapping with WeiKun who was trying to get me into the committee for 9-5 [party from 9pm to 5am]. He cornered me and Jess, and asked us to join in the training. I was skeptical, but I went anyway, yesterday.

And boy! - That was fun. [although I'm one of the pathetic 4 girls there ...]

Bernard - the hockey captain - taught me how to pass and stop the ball. It was difficult at first cos I got a weak left arm. But turned out quite ok after that. I still have probs sometimes, cos I tend to treat the game like tennis on the floor. [lol] It was highly hilarious. :)

Then the boys' team divided into two groups to play a friendly match against each other. The girls were asked to join too. I ended up with a group of highly 'high' people who were very enthusiastic. I played center, so was practically running up and down the court. -.- The guys were nice - they always passed the ball to me, even though I stink horribly at stopping the ball. [heh]

After that, dinner at 9pm.

We had another hoolabaloo. This time the argument over who was stinking out the place. Our target was Qing Ling [sp?] who was soaking wet and carrying our hockey sticks. Poor guy! We kept laughing, while he went around the carpark at our hall asking people if he was stinking!! While there, we ran into another group of friendly people [Jesseln included] who were going to K-Box. They invited me to go with them. Which, I did. [double heh]

It was damn crap and funny and fun. We rioted the place down with our voices, then went back at 3am. I was damn tired. While hanging around Jess's room [was waiting for her to pick up her things], some of the guys on the 4th floor saw me, and started talking to me. They all thought we went out to 'chiong'. [lol] I don't think I look like that kind of girl leh...

Laundry at 4am, slept till 6.30. Woke up to hang out the washed clothes, then went back to sleep till 8 plus. Boy, I feel like a pig.

And now, I've got work to do, and then evening - cheerleading.

Can't wait!

[heh]


-; little lotte } @ 11:29 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Tuesday, September 6, 2005
.motivation.
I'm doing an overdued work on motivation.

Ironically, I'm just not motivated to complete it. Someone please kick me.

[pfft]


-; little lotte } @ 2:52 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

.motivation.
I'm doing an overdued work on motivation.

Ironically, I'm just not motivated to complete it. Someone please kick me.

[pfft]


-; little lotte } @ 2:52 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

her/
abt/
links/
credits/
past/