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"even now I keep calling your name."

*****

playing Abrazame Tamara







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Monday, June 27, 2005
Welcome to another episode of Jess's World!
Hi all.

Yup. I've been lazy. I haven't updated in like the last few days. And no, it's not because I'm busy - as I've said, I was being lazy.

[LOL]

So.

To cut a long story short...

I've been out on a movie date/ dinner with MF. And seriously, I was kind of surprised with him. He appears to be so mild and quiet usually, the kind of guy who will go with the flow and such... and all of a sudden, there was this really decisive AND assertive side of him.

He was making decisions, and somehow I feel a little ... lost? 'cause I felt like I was merely a shadow, following him around.

It really made me scared.

Somehow I'm not so sure about anything and myself anymore. And perhaps it isn't such a bad thing.


-; little lotte } @ 3:47 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Welcome to another episode of Jess's World!
Hi all.

Yup. I've been lazy. I haven't updated in like the last few days. And no, it's not because I'm busy - as I've said, I was being lazy.

[LOL]

So.

To cut a long story short...

I've been out on a movie date/ dinner with MF. And seriously, I was kind of surprised with him. He appears to be so mild and quiet usually, the kind of guy who will go with the flow and such... and all of a sudden, there was this really decisive AND assertive side of him.

He was making decisions, and somehow I feel a little ... lost? 'cause I felt like I was merely a shadow, following him around.

It really made me scared.

Somehow I'm not so sure about anything and myself anymore. And perhaps it isn't such a bad thing.


-; little lotte } @ 3:47 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Thursday, June 23, 2005
2nd Episode of "Jess's World"!
Yup yup!

It's been such a long long time since I last posted. So, I'm going to write some stuff here to update the avid readers and soap operas chasers.

So.

[blows]

Things that have happened.

(1) I've told JY I'm not interested.
(2) I'm going to stay in hostel.
(3) I've gotten my eyebrows done (and looking a real awful)
(4) I've gotten into a short and sharp argument with Andrew and have not spoken with him since.
(5) I can't really think of anything else that had happened...

[pfft]

Boring life ain't it?

(I wonder why then some people are still so interested in what's going on.)


-; little lotte } @ 2:53 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

2nd Episode of "Jess's World"!
Yup yup!

It's been such a long long time since I last posted. So, I'm going to write some stuff here to update the avid readers and soap operas chasers.

So.

[blows]

Things that have happened.

(1) I've told JY I'm not interested.
(2) I'm going to stay in hostel.
(3) I've gotten my eyebrows done (and looking a real awful)
(4) I've gotten into a short and sharp argument with Andrew and have not spoken with him since.
(5) I can't really think of anything else that had happened...

[pfft]

Boring life ain't it?

(I wonder why then some people are still so interested in what's going on.)


-; little lotte } @ 2:53 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Saturday, June 11, 2005
This blog is no more.

It's finished. It's moved.

And NO ONE will ever find where's my new blog ... unless you happen to surf on in.

My lovelies - email me or text me for my new add.

***

Email : miz_jessamyn@hotmail.com / cardinal_water@yahoo.com.sg
AOL : t0tsky

***

In the meantime, miss me. I love you all!

<3 Ms. Attitudum
You've got a Problem?


-; little lotte } @ 10:03 AM
1 comments

the superficial world.

This blog is no more.

It's finished. It's moved.

And NO ONE will ever find where's my new blog ... unless you happen to surf on in.

My lovelies - email me or text me for my new add.

***

Email : miz_jessamyn@hotmail.com / cardinal_water@yahoo.com.sg
AOL : t0tsky

***

In the meantime, miss me. I love you all!

<3 Ms. Attitudum
You've got a Problem?


-; little lotte } @ 10:03 AM
1 comments

the superficial world.

The AfterMath
There. I've done it.

I've successfully set up my new blog here and I'm loving it! It's so CUTE! (and so not me!) Very soon, when my personal computer is up and running, when I have my PS7 or something the likes, I will redo and revamp my blog.

In the meantime, this one looks good enough for me.

***

Anyway, as the story goes ...

JiaYi called me again last night. That would be 3 or 4 nights in a row! I'm like "what?!" Honestly, I'm starting to get a little irritated. Let's face it, I need my own space and own time too!

::wails::


-; little lotte } @ 9:49 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

The AfterMath
There. I've done it.

I've successfully set up my new blog here and I'm loving it! It's so CUTE! (and so not me!) Very soon, when my personal computer is up and running, when I have my PS7 or something the likes, I will redo and revamp my blog.

In the meantime, this one looks good enough for me.

***

Anyway, as the story goes ...

JiaYi called me again last night. That would be 3 or 4 nights in a row! I'm like "what?!" Honestly, I'm starting to get a little irritated. Let's face it, I need my own space and own time too!

::wails::


-; little lotte } @ 9:49 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Friday, June 10, 2005
episode 1 of soap opera
Being Ms. High Avoidance, this shall be my new blog add! (:

hopefully someone won't be able to find me.

[HAH]


-; little lotte } @ 2:07 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

episode 1 of soap opera
Being Ms. High Avoidance, this shall be my new blog add! (:

hopefully someone won't be able to find me.

[HAH]


-; little lotte } @ 2:07 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

The following posts have no personal attacks, what-so-ever. It's just my honest way of stating my opinions, and what I think. If I EVER post direct to someone ... I might as well just write an email, right?

***

Change of plan. Instead of moving my blog effect July, I will be moving my blog with effect next week, when my personal computer is up again.


-; little lotte } @ 1:52 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

The following posts have no personal attacks, what-so-ever. It's just my honest way of stating my opinions, and what I think. If I EVER post direct to someone ... I might as well just write an email, right?

***

Change of plan. Instead of moving my blog effect July, I will be moving my blog with effect next week, when my personal computer is up again.


-; little lotte } @ 1:52 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

[shifty eyes look]

Because goodness knows how many silent readers are vicariously participating in my private life, while intruding my thoughts and opinions, and in some F-up case, attacking me for what I have to say (if I'm extra nice, I'll gestulate wildly at you while swearing floridly), I will be moving my blog to another add with effect 1st July. It will be an exclusive blog ... and viewees will be by invitation only.

Please do not link my new add - but do PM me, email me, call me, (whatever) if you'd like to follow up on the episodes of my soap opera.

Until then, personal attacks are very welcome and very much appreciated.

<3 Miss Attitudum
You've got a problem?

PS: I don't have a problem with silent readers ... just people who has nothing better to do but to bitch about my thoughts and give unwelcome comments to me (or what THEY call 'Lil 'o Jessa' complete with supposed scornful tone.)

[eyes roll]

Come on. Get a Life.


-; little lotte } @ 10:41 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

[shifty eyes look]

Because goodness knows how many silent readers are vicariously participating in my private life, while intruding my thoughts and opinions, and in some F-up case, attacking me for what I have to say (if I'm extra nice, I'll gestulate wildly at you while swearing floridly), I will be moving my blog to another add with effect 1st July. It will be an exclusive blog ... and viewees will be by invitation only.

Please do not link my new add - but do PM me, email me, call me, (whatever) if you'd like to follow up on the episodes of my soap opera.

Until then, personal attacks are very welcome and very much appreciated.

<3 Miss Attitudum
You've got a problem?

PS: I don't have a problem with silent readers ... just people who has nothing better to do but to bitch about my thoughts and give unwelcome comments to me (or what THEY call 'Lil 'o Jessa' complete with supposed scornful tone.)

[eyes roll]

Come on. Get a Life.


-; little lotte } @ 10:41 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Wednesday, June 8, 2005
And no.

I changed my mind.

I don't need a book that tells me how to read guys mind. I think I just need a book along the lines of "Unfogging your Mind" or "How to beat self-imposed confusion". Because the truth is I'm a lot sharper than what most people perceive me to be.

I'm just damn good at pretending I don't know anything. Because sometimes I just don't want to face the truth and what I really think. Especially when it comes down to relationships.

Of course, something like "Forcing guys to talk" or the likes would be great too, considering that most of the guys I know just 'enjoy' keeping their feelings from me until I was bloody direct with them. (and in the process, scaring them away)

sidenote: I'm writing this in answer to Lim Kai's post in his blog. [pfft]


-; little lotte } @ 12:45 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

And no.

I changed my mind.

I don't need a book that tells me how to read guys mind. I think I just need a book along the lines of "Unfogging your Mind" or "How to beat self-imposed confusion". Because the truth is I'm a lot sharper than what most people perceive me to be.

I'm just damn good at pretending I don't know anything. Because sometimes I just don't want to face the truth and what I really think. Especially when it comes down to relationships.

Of course, something like "Forcing guys to talk" or the likes would be great too, considering that most of the guys I know just 'enjoy' keeping their feelings from me until I was bloody direct with them. (and in the process, scaring them away)

sidenote: I'm writing this in answer to Lim Kai's post in his blog. [pfft]


-; little lotte } @ 12:45 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

My computer kena that stupid Trojan. I was like F*%#!!! It was so annoying, now that I've got zero access to internet (self-imposed), except at work. Thank God I haven't any more writing to do now... except one or two articles and editorials which haven't any datelines.

Hopefully, Jennifer can help me this Sat.

Speaking of this Sat, JY asked me out over email. I have to change it to Sun, because of my stupid computer. [pfft]

On another note, Mr. Slow-and-Steady called me last night. We spoke for a while, and he told me he had something to tell me. I was like "hmm? ... " 'cause I think I know what is coming. But he didn't say it in the end. Told me it's because he will feel embarrassed if he sees me the next time ... and that I might not want to be friends anymore...

Pretty obvious... I think.


-; little lotte } @ 12:17 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

My computer kena that stupid Trojan. I was like F*%#!!! It was so annoying, now that I've got zero access to internet (self-imposed), except at work. Thank God I haven't any more writing to do now... except one or two articles and editorials which haven't any datelines.

Hopefully, Jennifer can help me this Sat.

Speaking of this Sat, JY asked me out over email. I have to change it to Sun, because of my stupid computer. [pfft]

On another note, Mr. Slow-and-Steady called me last night. We spoke for a while, and he told me he had something to tell me. I was like "hmm? ... " 'cause I think I know what is coming. But he didn't say it in the end. Told me it's because he will feel embarrassed if he sees me the next time ... and that I might not want to be friends anymore...

Pretty obvious... I think.


-; little lotte } @ 12:17 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Monday, June 6, 2005
Went for the Sleepover @ PJC. Pity my friends and me didn't take pictures. But that's ok. Sometimes, pictures just are really a record of time ... while the memories fade away. You see that frozen picture, that frozen time but it couldn't record the feelings inside.

I'm really, a bank and whirlpool of emotions and feelings.

I'm no timekeeper, though I wish I were.


-; little lotte } @ 1:10 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Went for the Sleepover @ PJC. Pity my friends and me didn't take pictures. But that's ok. Sometimes, pictures just are really a record of time ... while the memories fade away. You see that frozen picture, that frozen time but it couldn't record the feelings inside.

I'm really, a bank and whirlpool of emotions and feelings.

I'm no timekeeper, though I wish I were.


-; little lotte } @ 1:10 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Saturday, June 4, 2005
What will you do if you have to deliver a really bad-smelling package, with its surface covered with white moss?

Well, first, I'll prepare a large bio-hazard bag, and triple-sealed the package in it. Then I'll chuck the triple-sealed bio-hazard bag into a large bio-hazard box. After that, comes the bright standard yellow bio-hazard suit complete with oxygen mask, and the 'Darth Vader' asthmatic breathing, and the 'Imperial March' music from 'Star Wars' playing in the background, as I carry the package.

Crazy - YUP! But it certainly make carrying that package at arm's length a funnier and more creative option.

(it's like using a lot of strong smelling chemicals to get rid of something puny. Like a small weed, for example.)


-; little lotte } @ 11:50 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

What will you do if you have to deliver a really bad-smelling package, with its surface covered with white moss?

Well, first, I'll prepare a large bio-hazard bag, and triple-sealed the package in it. Then I'll chuck the triple-sealed bio-hazard bag into a large bio-hazard box. After that, comes the bright standard yellow bio-hazard suit complete with oxygen mask, and the 'Darth Vader' asthmatic breathing, and the 'Imperial March' music from 'Star Wars' playing in the background, as I carry the package.

Crazy - YUP! But it certainly make carrying that package at arm's length a funnier and more creative option.

(it's like using a lot of strong smelling chemicals to get rid of something puny. Like a small weed, for example.)


-; little lotte } @ 11:50 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

I'm taking a leaf out of someone, after reading what he has written about girls and trying to understand them.

On my part, I'm trying to understand boys... and, sometimes I get this impression that we are living in the two different planets, talking on two complete different wavelengths, although they could just be standing right in front of you. I don't know if they were faking it or whatever - you know, those kind of 'just for laughs' thing... but the thing is having some kind of book or manual would really be helpful.

If my friend could think of having those guidebooks such as "How to React to Girls" or "How to talk to Girls without driving them crazy" or something along those lines, then they really ought to have a part II. Something along the lines of "What guys think" would be good. Then I don't have to worry about saying the wrong things to them, or feel stupid doing some things when all I really want to, is to have a dumb conversation, without appearing dumb. Of course, there is a highly probable chance that some people just don't get it. (Like some people) ... but hey! - those people are exceptionals right?

-pfft-

The thing is all these are probably stuff that will only happen in my dreams.

In real life, everything is just ... something else.


-; little lotte } @ 10:26 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

I'm taking a leaf out of someone, after reading what he has written about girls and trying to understand them.

On my part, I'm trying to understand boys... and, sometimes I get this impression that we are living in the two different planets, talking on two complete different wavelengths, although they could just be standing right in front of you. I don't know if they were faking it or whatever - you know, those kind of 'just for laughs' thing... but the thing is having some kind of book or manual would really be helpful.

If my friend could think of having those guidebooks such as "How to React to Girls" or "How to talk to Girls without driving them crazy" or something along those lines, then they really ought to have a part II. Something along the lines of "What guys think" would be good. Then I don't have to worry about saying the wrong things to them, or feel stupid doing some things when all I really want to, is to have a dumb conversation, without appearing dumb. Of course, there is a highly probable chance that some people just don't get it. (Like some people) ... but hey! - those people are exceptionals right?

-pfft-

The thing is all these are probably stuff that will only happen in my dreams.

In real life, everything is just ... something else.


-; little lotte } @ 10:26 AM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Thursday, June 2, 2005
Normally, I'm not someone who would bitch about stuff and things like that in my blog ...

But lately, a couple of new additions around in my life has made me want to do that, so that I can vent out everything, without taking it out on them. I'm praying darn hard that those people will never figure out my blog.

First thing, Miss C who spent one month in the same company as me. Her meals were considered as 'war-zones' by Alvin and Bernice, and she had a habit of latching to people. Hanging out with her stresses me out tremendously, cos I have to keep my usually mild (though extremely explosive) temper in check in case I seriously lose control. I didn't mind her, really, and I could almost put up with her. ALMOST. The only thing I seriously couldn't stand was her mind-set. Very narrow, and she practically worships good results and accounting. Often, she told me, Bernice and Alvin she couldn't talk to us because of age-gap. Which, I think is utterly ridiculous, since we're only like 1, 2 year apart.

[blows]

2nd on my list. A certain Miss F.

She's new in the company, and we're trying our best to make her fit in - by talking to her, and inviting to lunch. The thing that really pissed me off is that she seemed to have the same kind of stupid mind-set as Miss C. Really - she thinks that a degree in Biz Ad makes her superior to me and Jennifer, and that going to NIE is a really disgraceful thing. I've tried talking to her on a friendly terms, but I realise that somethings just can't be forced. I've ceased talking to her since yesterday... but really, it's because that was the first time I could sit down and have a long conversation with her.

Other times? - I was late this morning (so no morning chit-chat), and I didn't have the chance to see her again, cos we didn't have lunch together.

If time permits, I'll try some more small talks, and hope for the best.

Thirdly, Miss N. This new person is starting to get on my nerves as well. The reason? - she isn't tactful. And half the time, I'm covering her @ss for her, which was really hectic when I have my own stuff to do as well. I'm so totally tied up and up to my NECK with my own paper work, and half the time, I still have to remind her to do certain things time and again.


-; little lotte } @ 1:26 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Normally, I'm not someone who would bitch about stuff and things like that in my blog ...

But lately, a couple of new additions around in my life has made me want to do that, so that I can vent out everything, without taking it out on them. I'm praying darn hard that those people will never figure out my blog.

First thing, Miss C who spent one month in the same company as me. Her meals were considered as 'war-zones' by Alvin and Bernice, and she had a habit of latching to people. Hanging out with her stresses me out tremendously, cos I have to keep my usually mild (though extremely explosive) temper in check in case I seriously lose control. I didn't mind her, really, and I could almost put up with her. ALMOST. The only thing I seriously couldn't stand was her mind-set. Very narrow, and she practically worships good results and accounting. Often, she told me, Bernice and Alvin she couldn't talk to us because of age-gap. Which, I think is utterly ridiculous, since we're only like 1, 2 year apart.

[blows]

2nd on my list. A certain Miss F.

She's new in the company, and we're trying our best to make her fit in - by talking to her, and inviting to lunch. The thing that really pissed me off is that she seemed to have the same kind of stupid mind-set as Miss C. Really - she thinks that a degree in Biz Ad makes her superior to me and Jennifer, and that going to NIE is a really disgraceful thing. I've tried talking to her on a friendly terms, but I realise that somethings just can't be forced. I've ceased talking to her since yesterday... but really, it's because that was the first time I could sit down and have a long conversation with her.

Other times? - I was late this morning (so no morning chit-chat), and I didn't have the chance to see her again, cos we didn't have lunch together.

If time permits, I'll try some more small talks, and hope for the best.

Thirdly, Miss N. This new person is starting to get on my nerves as well. The reason? - she isn't tactful. And half the time, I'm covering her @ss for her, which was really hectic when I have my own stuff to do as well. I'm so totally tied up and up to my NECK with my own paper work, and half the time, I still have to remind her to do certain things time and again.


-; little lotte } @ 1:26 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

Wednesday, June 1, 2005
I can still remember that young gentleman who stole my heart sometime a year ago. It was so long now - but the thought of him and everything still brings fresh stabs into my heart.

I've done everything I can to tell myself to move on. Yet sometimes I wonder, what if I had never blogged about him after our New Year's Day date?

Then I would still be living the lie I was living one year ago. And I would only be decieving myself, pretending... always pretending.


-; little lotte } @ 7:21 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

I can still remember that young gentleman who stole my heart sometime a year ago. It was so long now - but the thought of him and everything still brings fresh stabs into my heart.

I've done everything I can to tell myself to move on. Yet sometimes I wonder, what if I had never blogged about him after our New Year's Day date?

Then I would still be living the lie I was living one year ago. And I would only be decieving myself, pretending... always pretending.


-; little lotte } @ 7:21 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

The price of happiness is always a heavy one to pay. For every ounce of happiness, there will be an equivalent amount of pain to pay. As with the saying from the Le Petite Prince: "Happiness ... [at] a terrible cost..." It is the amount of time we spend on people that makes them harder to let go.

It makes me afraid, knowing that when the time comes, I'll find it harder to let go of the things that had to go.

And yet, I still took the chance, to love and give a man 8 my senior my time (small chats and dates) ... despite knowing that everything might come down to nothing, causing more hurt and pain.

They say, it is painful to hate someone.

I agree - but I say, too, it hurts even more to love someone.


-; little lotte } @ 12:36 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

The price of happiness is always a heavy one to pay. For every ounce of happiness, there will be an equivalent amount of pain to pay. As with the saying from the Le Petite Prince: "Happiness ... [at] a terrible cost..." It is the amount of time we spend on people that makes them harder to let go.

It makes me afraid, knowing that when the time comes, I'll find it harder to let go of the things that had to go.

And yet, I still took the chance, to love and give a man 8 my senior my time (small chats and dates) ... despite knowing that everything might come down to nothing, causing more hurt and pain.

They say, it is painful to hate someone.

I agree - but I say, too, it hurts even more to love someone.


-; little lotte } @ 12:36 PM
0 comments

the superficial world.

her/
abt/
links/
credits/
past/