Went out with Joann today and got the remaining presents and other what-have-you. :) I've decided not to make the 'PJC Survival Kit' for Mr Boh, although I love that idea very much. Somehow, I feel that this year is a special year for me, and I'm determined to get him something extremely meaningful. The Survival Kit can wait - after all, it's more like something fun and different. So Joann and me hunted around for something good, in addition to gifts for Mr Kwok and Ms Lee.
And then I hit jackpot at Kinokuniya - a whole shelf filled with the Chicken Soup Series. I didn't know if Mr Boh had them - but I knew he read extensively, and I decided to get one for him. Obviously, when I started browsing, I picked up the series for Teachers. But somehow it didn't feel right. He had been more than a teacher - he was my mentor, my adviser, a friend and someone whom I can trust, all packaged into the form of a teacher. He was like Mdm Ang - but a little more, because he nurtured me, picking up from where Mr Quah left off, although he didn't know it. And then, I saw it - a least likely series but i got it anyway.
So, what did I get for him? - I got him Chicken Soup for the Garderner's Soul.
To me, this title is special. Like a garderner, he had bred many students under his wing and gave us ample opportunity to grow in our space. He allows us to make mistakes, and evaluates the situations and talks to us about the various experiences. Only students who had seen this side of him and had worked closely with him would know that. In addition to that, he nurtures us - working with what he already has, and not trying to force something new and change us. This is what gardeners do. Sad to say, there are teachers who don't work that way, and end up stifling their students.
Think of this: A garden is a place of variety and beauty, bearing lovely and colourful flowers - each unique in its own way. There are weeds but most are not destroyed or removed, unless they are really destructive. Likewise, a school holds various students, each of a different background, beliefs and characteristics , coming together to make the place beautiful. So the teachers take on the roles of gardeners, caring and loving each and every single plant/ student.
Thus, you can see, the title is really appropriate, really.
Come to think of it, Mr Boh and Mdm Ang remind me of a character I've read in
To Kill A Mockingbird. Yes, she is Miss Maudie Atkinson - a lady who loves her plants and the nature greatly, caring for them without caring what the world thinks - the same way the teachers had done for me and many students under them.
In addition to that, we got Mr Kwok another monkey and wrote him a long long letter. We were going to attach this letter from last year which rightly belonged to him anyway, but I can't find the tin box where I kept my letters and little message notes.
Shoot. Maybe it's in my cupboard somewhere; got to get it out by tomorow night. As for Ms. Lee, Joann got her a lovely bear from Me-to-You... Really sweet and pretty.
I've just finished packing the teachers' presents as well. I'll be writing the notes tomorrow.
Went out with Joann today and got the remaining presents and other what-have-you. :) I've decided not to make the 'PJC Survival Kit' for Mr Boh, although I love that idea very much. Somehow, I feel that this year is a special year for me, and I'm determined to get him something extremely meaningful. The Survival Kit can wait - after all, it's more like something fun and different. So Joann and me hunted around for something good, in addition to gifts for Mr Kwok and Ms Lee.
And then I hit jackpot at Kinokuniya - a whole shelf filled with the Chicken Soup Series. I didn't know if Mr Boh had them - but I knew he read extensively, and I decided to get one for him. Obviously, when I started browsing, I picked up the series for Teachers. But somehow it didn't feel right. He had been more than a teacher - he was my mentor, my adviser, a friend and someone whom I can trust, all packaged into the form of a teacher. He was like Mdm Ang - but a little more, because he nurtured me, picking up from where Mr Quah left off, although he didn't know it. And then, I saw it - a least likely series but i got it anyway.
So, what did I get for him? - I got him Chicken Soup for the Garderner's Soul.
To me, this title is special. Like a garderner, he had bred many students under his wing and gave us ample opportunity to grow in our space. He allows us to make mistakes, and evaluates the situations and talks to us about the various experiences. Only students who had seen this side of him and had worked closely with him would know that. In addition to that, he nurtures us - working with what he already has, and not trying to force something new and change us. This is what gardeners do. Sad to say, there are teachers who don't work that way, and end up stifling their students.
Think of this: A garden is a place of variety and beauty, bearing lovely and colourful flowers - each unique in its own way. There are weeds but most are not destroyed or removed, unless they are really destructive. Likewise, a school holds various students, each of a different background, beliefs and characteristics , coming together to make the place beautiful. So the teachers take on the roles of gardeners, caring and loving each and every single plant/ student.
Thus, you can see, the title is really appropriate, really.
Come to think of it, Mr Boh and Mdm Ang remind me of a character I've read in
To Kill A Mockingbird. Yes, she is Miss Maudie Atkinson - a lady who loves her plants and the nature greatly, caring for them without caring what the world thinks - the same way the teachers had done for me and many students under them.
In addition to that, we got Mr Kwok another monkey and wrote him a long long letter. We were going to attach this letter from last year which rightly belonged to him anyway, but I can't find the tin box where I kept my letters and little message notes.
Shoot. Maybe it's in my cupboard somewhere; got to get it out by tomorow night. As for Ms. Lee, Joann got her a lovely bear from Me-to-You... Really sweet and pretty.
I've just finished packing the teachers' presents as well. I'll be writing the notes tomorrow.
-; little lotte } @ 12:00 AM
the superficial world.
Went out with Joann today and got the remaining presents and other what-have-you. :) I've decided not to make the 'PJC Survival Kit' for Mr Boh, although I love that idea very much. Somehow, I feel that this year is a special year for me, and I'm determined to get him something extremely meaningful. The Survival Kit can wait - after all, it's more like something fun and different. So Joann and me hunted around for something good, in addition to gifts for Mr Kwok and Ms Lee.
And then I hit jackpot at Kinokuniya - a whole shelf filled with the Chicken Soup Series. I didn't know if Mr Boh had them - but I knew he read extensively, and I decided to get one for him. Obviously, when I started browsing, I picked up the series for Teachers. But somehow it didn't feel right. He had been more than a teacher - he was my mentor, my adviser, a friend and someone whom I can trust, all packaged into the form of a teacher. He was like Mdm Ang - but a little more, because he nurtured me, picking up from where Mr Quah left off, although he didn't know it. And then, I saw it - a least likely series but i got it anyway.
So, what did I get for him? - I got him Chicken Soup for the Garderner's Soul.
To me, this title is special. Like a garderner, he had bred many students under his wing and gave us ample opportunity to grow in our space. He allows us to make mistakes, and evaluates the situations and talks to us about the various experiences. Only students who had seen this side of him and had worked closely with him would know that. In addition to that, he nurtures us - working with what he already has, and not trying to force something new and change us. This is what gardeners do. Sad to say, there are teachers who don't work that way, and end up stifling their students.
Think of this: A garden is a place of variety and beauty, bearing lovely and colourful flowers - each unique in its own way. There are weeds but most are not destroyed or removed, unless they are really destructive. Likewise, a school holds various students, each of a different background, beliefs and characteristics , coming together to make the place beautiful. So the teachers take on the roles of gardeners, caring and loving each and every single plant/ student.
Thus, you can see, the title is really appropriate, really.
Come to think of it, Mr Boh and Mdm Ang remind me of a character I've read in
To Kill A Mockingbird. Yes, she is Miss Maudie Atkinson - a lady who loves her plants and the nature greatly, caring for them without caring what the world thinks - the same way the teachers had done for me and many students under them.
In addition to that, we got Mr Kwok another monkey and wrote him a long long letter. We were going to attach this letter from last year which rightly belonged to him anyway, but I can't find the tin box where I kept my letters and little message notes.
Shoot. Maybe it's in my cupboard somewhere; got to get it out by tomorow night. As for Ms. Lee, Joann got her a lovely bear from Me-to-You... Really sweet and pretty.
I've just finished packing the teachers' presents as well. I'll be writing the notes tomorrow.
-; little lotte } @ 12:00 AM
the superficial world.
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Guess what? If you want to know the time now, please scroll down:
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Are you still looking? :) It's 4:41AM as I'm typing this - So what am I doing here, so early (or so late as some mayb think)? Well, I don't know - it's just some nights when your stupid system decided to wake you up when you're sleeping. That's stupidly cool, a nice combination of stupid and cool. (! -_-''' )
And since I'm up, might as well do some brainstorming for Mr. Boh's Teachers' Day present, which I'll be getting at 11AM later in the day:
MR BOH'S PRESENT* Kinokuniya Book Vouchers - $20 (so he can buy what he wants)
* A box of Chewing Gum
* A Quaker's Chewy Bar or Chocolate
* Some Sour Power or WarHeads
* Some plasters (HAHA!)
All these will be packed into a small box, call the 'PJC Survival Kit', It will also contain a checklist for the above mentioned things, plus a set of instructions on how to use the various items. :) I thought that would be nice. If anyone is wondering what I've given him for the last 2 years, look below and have a good laugh:
2002The newly-started H&F instructors committee (Adil, Lex, Jonathan Loh, Sumiko, Bryant,Joyce, Ashik, Hoon Hou & me - did I leave anyone out?) got him the present. It contains a measuring tape (measuring the waists of our members), a few stuff toys and some other things. All these are packed into a large milk bottle with marbles and confetti.
2003That year, Joann and me got one together for him. We spent weeks eating at BK just to get the paper bag, a few days making tonnes of stars with straws. The whole package in the BK paper bag contains a REAL milk bottle (-_-'''), a post-it with Finding Nemo background, a teddy bear and sweets. Kind of lame but I thought sweet.
So this year I'm going to be different. No milk bottles and I won't be surprised if he says to me on 31st Aug, "Another milk bottle this year?" The survival Kit will be a new change, if you ask me.
Alright, it's 5:01AM now. And I'm out.
-; little lotte } @ 4:28 AM
the superficial world.
Guess what? If you want to know the time now, please scroll down:
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Are you still looking? :) It's 4:41AM as I'm typing this - So what am I doing here, so early (or so late as some mayb think)? Well, I don't know - it's just some nights when your stupid system decided to wake you up when you're sleeping. That's stupidly cool, a nice combination of stupid and cool. (! -_-''' )
And since I'm up, might as well do some brainstorming for Mr. Boh's Teachers' Day present, which I'll be getting at 11AM later in the day:
MR BOH'S PRESENT* Kinokuniya Book Vouchers - $20 (so he can buy what he wants)
* A box of Chewing Gum
* A Quaker's Chewy Bar or Chocolate
* Some Sour Power or WarHeads
* Some plasters (HAHA!)
All these will be packed into a small box, call the 'PJC Survival Kit', It will also contain a checklist for the above mentioned things, plus a set of instructions on how to use the various items. :) I thought that would be nice. If anyone is wondering what I've given him for the last 2 years, look below and have a good laugh:
2002The newly-started H&F instructors committee (Adil, Lex, Jonathan Loh, Sumiko, Bryant,Joyce, Ashik, Hoon Hou & me - did I leave anyone out?) got him the present. It contains a measuring tape (measuring the waists of our members), a few stuff toys and some other things. All these are packed into a large milk bottle with marbles and confetti.
2003That year, Joann and me got one together for him. We spent weeks eating at BK just to get the paper bag, a few days making tonnes of stars with straws. The whole package in the BK paper bag contains a REAL milk bottle (-_-'''), a post-it with Finding Nemo background, a teddy bear and sweets. Kind of lame but I thought sweet.
So this year I'm going to be different. No milk bottles and I won't be surprised if he says to me on 31st Aug, "Another milk bottle this year?" The survival Kit will be a new change, if you ask me.
Alright, it's 5:01AM now. And I'm out.
-; little lotte } @ 4:28 AM
the superficial world.
Guess what? If you want to know the time now, please scroll down:
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Are you still looking? :) It's 4:41AM as I'm typing this - So what am I doing here, so early (or so late as some mayb think)? Well, I don't know - it's just some nights when your stupid system decided to wake you up when you're sleeping. That's stupidly cool, a nice combination of stupid and cool. (! -_-''' )
And since I'm up, might as well do some brainstorming for Mr. Boh's Teachers' Day present, which I'll be getting at 11AM later in the day:
MR BOH'S PRESENT* Kinokuniya Book Vouchers - $20 (so he can buy what he wants)
* A box of Chewing Gum
* A Quaker's Chewy Bar or Chocolate
* Some Sour Power or WarHeads
* Some plasters (HAHA!)
All these will be packed into a small box, call the 'PJC Survival Kit', It will also contain a checklist for the above mentioned things, plus a set of instructions on how to use the various items. :) I thought that would be nice. If anyone is wondering what I've given him for the last 2 years, look below and have a good laugh:
2002The newly-started H&F instructors committee (Adil, Lex, Jonathan Loh, Sumiko, Bryant,Joyce, Ashik, Hoon Hou & me - did I leave anyone out?) got him the present. It contains a measuring tape (measuring the waists of our members), a few stuff toys and some other things. All these are packed into a large milk bottle with marbles and confetti.
2003That year, Joann and me got one together for him. We spent weeks eating at BK just to get the paper bag, a few days making tonnes of stars with straws. The whole package in the BK paper bag contains a REAL milk bottle (-_-'''), a post-it with Finding Nemo background, a teddy bear and sweets. Kind of lame but I thought sweet.
So this year I'm going to be different. No milk bottles and I won't be surprised if he says to me on 31st Aug, "Another milk bottle this year?" The survival Kit will be a new change, if you ask me.
Alright, it's 5:01AM now. And I'm out.
-; little lotte } @ 4:28 AM
the superficial world.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
ATTN: B. Rain, commander of the Left, Right &tc.
Events for the Upcoming Week:* 31st Aug - Teachers' Day Celebrtion
* 1st Sept - Teachers' Day
(For students doing Project O and Mission A: These two days will be a planning session to test various strategies before the actual Project and Mission in November)
* 4th Sept - Start of Mission: Mock at Pioneer JC - also known as the Preliminary Mission.
Current Target:For Mission: Mock* Math - A
* Lit - B
* Econs - D
For Mission A* Math - A
* Lit - A
* Econs - B
Aftermath of Mission APLAN A:* Get it right, and do it well
* Score at least 2 As and 1 B
* Apply for Teaching Scholarship
* Apply to NUS
PLAN B:* Do averagely well
* Rejection from NUS
* Apply to NIE
PLAN C:Under subsidy of the Tay Administration ONLY!* Do averagely well
* Rejection from NUS
* (Rejection from NIE?)
* Apply entry into Overseas University
If the procedures for the upcoming Mission: Mock are carried out efficiently, allowing us to reach,
or come close, to our set targets, we should be ensured a smooth-sailing Mission A. This will allow us to carry out Plan A almost without any difficulty, and a 99.9% confidence interval of not resorting to the last 2 plans mentioned in the above report.
Details for Mission: Mock and the important Mission A will be enclosed on a later date.
(signed)
Jessamyn
I really like this idea of treating the exams as a War after having a good talk with Mr Yeo and Mr Yap. :) Thought it's kind of cute and interesting. And it gives me a good reason to fight for what I want to achieve. Cheers!
-; little lotte } @ 10:17 PM
the superficial world.
ATTN: B. Rain, commander of the Left, Right &tc.
Events for the Upcoming Week:* 31st Aug - Teachers' Day Celebrtion
* 1st Sept - Teachers' Day
(For students doing Project O and Mission A: These two days will be a planning session to test various strategies before the actual Project and Mission in November)
* 4th Sept - Start of Mission: Mock at Pioneer JC - also known as the Preliminary Mission.
Current Target:For Mission: Mock* Math - A
* Lit - B
* Econs - D
For Mission A* Math - A
* Lit - A
* Econs - B
Aftermath of Mission APLAN A:* Get it right, and do it well
* Score at least 2 As and 1 B
* Apply for Teaching Scholarship
* Apply to NUS
PLAN B:* Do averagely well
* Rejection from NUS
* Apply to NIE
PLAN C:Under subsidy of the Tay Administration ONLY!* Do averagely well
* Rejection from NUS
* (Rejection from NIE?)
* Apply entry into Overseas University
If the procedures for the upcoming Mission: Mock are carried out efficiently, allowing us to reach,
or come close, to our set targets, we should be ensured a smooth-sailing Mission A. This will allow us to carry out Plan A almost without any difficulty, and a 99.9% confidence interval of not resorting to the last 2 plans mentioned in the above report.
Details for Mission: Mock and the important Mission A will be enclosed on a later date.
(signed)
Jessamyn
I really like this idea of treating the exams as a War after having a good talk with Mr Yeo and Mr Yap. :) Thought it's kind of cute and interesting. And it gives me a good reason to fight for what I want to achieve. Cheers!
-; little lotte } @ 10:17 PM
the superficial world.
ATTN: B. Rain, commander of the Left, Right &tc.
Events for the Upcoming Week:* 31st Aug - Teachers' Day Celebrtion
* 1st Sept - Teachers' Day
(For students doing Project O and Mission A: These two days will be a planning session to test various strategies before the actual Project and Mission in November)
* 4th Sept - Start of Mission: Mock at Pioneer JC - also known as the Preliminary Mission.
Current Target:For Mission: Mock* Math - A
* Lit - B
* Econs - D
For Mission A* Math - A
* Lit - A
* Econs - B
Aftermath of Mission APLAN A:* Get it right, and do it well
* Score at least 2 As and 1 B
* Apply for Teaching Scholarship
* Apply to NUS
PLAN B:* Do averagely well
* Rejection from NUS
* Apply to NIE
PLAN C:Under subsidy of the Tay Administration ONLY!* Do averagely well
* Rejection from NUS
* (Rejection from NIE?)
* Apply entry into Overseas University
If the procedures for the upcoming Mission: Mock are carried out efficiently, allowing us to reach,
or come close, to our set targets, we should be ensured a smooth-sailing Mission A. This will allow us to carry out Plan A almost without any difficulty, and a 99.9% confidence interval of not resorting to the last 2 plans mentioned in the above report.
Details for Mission: Mock and the important Mission A will be enclosed on a later date.
(signed)
Jessamyn
I really like this idea of treating the exams as a War after having a good talk with Mr Yeo and Mr Yap. :) Thought it's kind of cute and interesting. And it gives me a good reason to fight for what I want to achieve. Cheers!
-; little lotte } @ 10:17 PM
the superficial world.
Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Prayer for students:Sign of Cross:
Lord God,
your Spirit of wisdom fills the earth
and teaches us your ways.
Look upon us students.
Let us enjoy learning
and take delight in new discoveries.
Help us to persevere in our studies
and give us the desire to learn all things well.
Look up our teachers.
Let them strive to share their knowledge with gentle patience
and endeavor always to bring the truth to eager minds.
Grant that students and teachers alike may follow Jesus Christ,
the way, the truth, and the life,
for ever and ever.
Amen.
-; little lotte } @ 10:12 PM
the superficial world.
Prayer for students:Sign of Cross:
Lord God,
your Spirit of wisdom fills the earth
and teaches us your ways.
Look upon us students.
Let us enjoy learning
and take delight in new discoveries.
Help us to persevere in our studies
and give us the desire to learn all things well.
Look up our teachers.
Let them strive to share their knowledge with gentle patience
and endeavor always to bring the truth to eager minds.
Grant that students and teachers alike may follow Jesus Christ,
the way, the truth, and the life,
for ever and ever.
Amen.
-; little lotte } @ 10:12 PM
the superficial world.
Prayer for students:Sign of Cross:
Lord God,
your Spirit of wisdom fills the earth
and teaches us your ways.
Look upon us students.
Let us enjoy learning
and take delight in new discoveries.
Help us to persevere in our studies
and give us the desire to learn all things well.
Look up our teachers.
Let them strive to share their knowledge with gentle patience
and endeavor always to bring the truth to eager minds.
Grant that students and teachers alike may follow Jesus Christ,
the way, the truth, and the life,
for ever and ever.
Amen.
-; little lotte } @ 10:12 PM
the superficial world.
The last time I heard these hymns during the funeral mass, there were tears of anguish, pain and hideous grief. But now as I read the words of the hymns and hear the songs again, I realise the beauty of each word that had been written. And the pain I feel is starting to die away, leaving feelings of peace in me. Below, are the lyrics of Amazing Grace. Really love it a lot.
Amazing GraceAmazing Grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wrentch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear
And Grace my fears relieved
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed
Thought many dangers toils and snares
I have already gone
T'was Grace that brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home
When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun.
-; little lotte } @ 8:42 PM
the superficial world.
The last time I heard these hymns during the funeral mass, there were tears of anguish, pain and hideous grief. But now as I read the words of the hymns and hear the songs again, I realise the beauty of each word that had been written. And the pain I feel is starting to die away, leaving feelings of peace in me. Below, are the lyrics of Amazing Grace. Really love it a lot.
Amazing GraceAmazing Grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wrentch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear
And Grace my fears relieved
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed
Thought many dangers toils and snares
I have already gone
T'was Grace that brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home
When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun.
-; little lotte } @ 8:42 PM
the superficial world.
The last time I heard these hymns during the funeral mass, there were tears of anguish, pain and hideous grief. But now as I read the words of the hymns and hear the songs again, I realise the beauty of each word that had been written. And the pain I feel is starting to die away, leaving feelings of peace in me. Below, are the lyrics of Amazing Grace. Really love it a lot.
Amazing GraceAmazing Grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wrentch like me
I once was lost but now am found
Was blind but now I see
T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear
And Grace my fears relieved
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed
Thought many dangers toils and snares
I have already gone
T'was Grace that brought me safe thus far
And Grace will lead me home
When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun.
-; little lotte } @ 8:42 PM
the superficial world.
Monday, August 23, 2004
I tried. I really did. I sat down and attempted my Econs TYS and Math prelim papers. And all I've got to show after 3 hours is nothing but a blank piece of paper. I really hate myself today.
Oh well.At least today is ending and tomorrow will be a better day. Life is a cycle - there will always be ups & downs:
He sleeps. Although so much he was denied,
He lived; and when his dear left him, died.
It happened of itself, in the calm way
That in the evening night-time follows day.
-; little lotte } @ 10:24 PM
the superficial world.
I tried. I really did. I sat down and attempted my Econs TYS and Math prelim papers. And all I've got to show after 3 hours is nothing but a blank piece of paper. I really hate myself today.
Oh well.At least today is ending and tomorrow will be a better day. Life is a cycle - there will always be ups & downs:
He sleeps. Although so much he was denied,
He lived; and when his dear left him, died.
It happened of itself, in the calm way
That in the evening night-time follows day.
-; little lotte } @ 10:24 PM
the superficial world.
I tried. I really did. I sat down and attempted my Econs TYS and Math prelim papers. And all I've got to show after 3 hours is nothing but a blank piece of paper. I really hate myself today.
Oh well.At least today is ending and tomorrow will be a better day. Life is a cycle - there will always be ups & downs:
He sleeps. Although so much he was denied,
He lived; and when his dear left him, died.
It happened of itself, in the calm way
That in the evening night-time follows day.
-; little lotte } @ 10:24 PM
the superficial world.
I feel like I'm a walking hazard.
I really do.
In my heart, I feel rising and comflicting emotions. One min, I feel really really happy. The next min, I just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over me and not come out for the next few days. Otherwise I'm perfectly ok, with sudden outburst that don't seem right, including laughters, crappy jokes, depressed thoughts and tears.
I know something is wrong with me - bcos I shouldn't be feeling all these stupid things. But the truth is, I just can't put a finger to what's wrong. I know - but I don't what's the problem - which makes me a hundred times more dangerous. Half the time I feel extremely destructive and frustrated. I haven't gotten to self-multilation yet. I hope not. but I did think of it - which is bad.
So if you're reading this, you'd probably realised that I've typed everything out in good eng (ok, not that good), with very little - almost no - short forms. much as I hated it, this is probably the only way I can keep my sanity with all those things coming at me.
Otherwise, I think I'm schizophrenic.
Bleah.
-; little lotte } @ 8:32 PM
the superficial world.
I feel like I'm a walking hazard.
I really do.
In my heart, I feel rising and comflicting emotions. One min, I feel really really happy. The next min, I just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over me and not come out for the next few days. Otherwise I'm perfectly ok, with sudden outburst that don't seem right, including laughters, crappy jokes, depressed thoughts and tears.
I know something is wrong with me - bcos I shouldn't be feeling all these stupid things. But the truth is, I just can't put a finger to what's wrong. I know - but I don't what's the problem - which makes me a hundred times more dangerous. Half the time I feel extremely destructive and frustrated. I haven't gotten to self-multilation yet. I hope not. but I did think of it - which is bad.
So if you're reading this, you'd probably realised that I've typed everything out in good eng (ok, not that good), with very little - almost no - short forms. much as I hated it, this is probably the only way I can keep my sanity with all those things coming at me.
Otherwise, I think I'm schizophrenic.
Bleah.
-; little lotte } @ 8:32 PM
the superficial world.
I feel like I'm a walking hazard.
I really do.
In my heart, I feel rising and comflicting emotions. One min, I feel really really happy. The next min, I just want to crawl into bed, pull the covers over me and not come out for the next few days. Otherwise I'm perfectly ok, with sudden outburst that don't seem right, including laughters, crappy jokes, depressed thoughts and tears.
I know something is wrong with me - bcos I shouldn't be feeling all these stupid things. But the truth is, I just can't put a finger to what's wrong. I know - but I don't what's the problem - which makes me a hundred times more dangerous. Half the time I feel extremely destructive and frustrated. I haven't gotten to self-multilation yet. I hope not. but I did think of it - which is bad.
So if you're reading this, you'd probably realised that I've typed everything out in good eng (ok, not that good), with very little - almost no - short forms. much as I hated it, this is probably the only way I can keep my sanity with all those things coming at me.
Otherwise, I think I'm schizophrenic.
Bleah.
-; little lotte } @ 8:32 PM
the superficial world.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
yesterday, my 3rd aunt, uncle, jek jin n my beloved junting left for london, uk. it's a sad parting for us cos my aunt is really closed to everyone of us. i tink o all her newphews n nieces, i'm the closest to her cos she watched me grow up. i remember when she was still in nus dating her now husband, she always take me n my youngest aunt along. i'm v closed to my 3rd uncle too, cos we used to play together so much. in my emotional ups-n-downs, all of my uncles n aunts were there for me to sound me out, after my parents. it's so hard to see them go. plus i've grown really fond o my 2 little cousins n i'm not going to see them for a year plus... mayb even more. i jus stood there, trying to suppress all the stupid tears, while hugging her n her children. i didn't wan to let junting go esp. it's so hard n heart-wrenching when i saw my youngest aunt breaking down completely. they were really really closed - having gone thru jc n uni together.
one thing i've learnt is this: we dunno how others meant to us until we hav to let them go. last night was another example - my 4th parting in 2 wks. it's warming n painful to see my mom n her 3 sisters hugging each other n crying n taking photos. let me treasure those around me - let me love them wholeheartedly, without hurting them. let the already formed bonds grow stronger. let everything in this world be beautiful - bcos we dunno when they will end. let the flames of feelings be extinguished, if they mus. but let the embers continue glowing - bcos there will still b light, even in the darkness.
-; little lotte } @ 11:37 AM
the superficial world.
yesterday, my 3rd aunt, uncle, jek jin n my beloved junting left for london, uk. it's a sad parting for us cos my aunt is really closed to everyone of us. i tink o all her newphews n nieces, i'm the closest to her cos she watched me grow up. i remember when she was still in nus dating her now husband, she always take me n my youngest aunt along. i'm v closed to my 3rd uncle too, cos we used to play together so much. in my emotional ups-n-downs, all of my uncles n aunts were there for me to sound me out, after my parents. it's so hard to see them go. plus i've grown really fond o my 2 little cousins n i'm not going to see them for a year plus... mayb even more. i jus stood there, trying to suppress all the stupid tears, while hugging her n her children. i didn't wan to let junting go esp. it's so hard n heart-wrenching when i saw my youngest aunt breaking down completely. they were really really closed - having gone thru jc n uni together.
one thing i've learnt is this: we dunno how others meant to us until we hav to let them go. last night was another example - my 4th parting in 2 wks. it's warming n painful to see my mom n her 3 sisters hugging each other n crying n taking photos. let me treasure those around me - let me love them wholeheartedly, without hurting them. let the already formed bonds grow stronger. let everything in this world be beautiful - bcos we dunno when they will end. let the flames of feelings be extinguished, if they mus. but let the embers continue glowing - bcos there will still b light, even in the darkness.
-; little lotte } @ 11:37 AM
the superficial world.
yesterday, my 3rd aunt, uncle, jek jin n my beloved junting left for london, uk. it's a sad parting for us cos my aunt is really closed to everyone of us. i tink o all her newphews n nieces, i'm the closest to her cos she watched me grow up. i remember when she was still in nus dating her now husband, she always take me n my youngest aunt along. i'm v closed to my 3rd uncle too, cos we used to play together so much. in my emotional ups-n-downs, all of my uncles n aunts were there for me to sound me out, after my parents. it's so hard to see them go. plus i've grown really fond o my 2 little cousins n i'm not going to see them for a year plus... mayb even more. i jus stood there, trying to suppress all the stupid tears, while hugging her n her children. i didn't wan to let junting go esp. it's so hard n heart-wrenching when i saw my youngest aunt breaking down completely. they were really really closed - having gone thru jc n uni together.
one thing i've learnt is this: we dunno how others meant to us until we hav to let them go. last night was another example - my 4th parting in 2 wks. it's warming n painful to see my mom n her 3 sisters hugging each other n crying n taking photos. let me treasure those around me - let me love them wholeheartedly, without hurting them. let the already formed bonds grow stronger. let everything in this world be beautiful - bcos we dunno when they will end. let the flames of feelings be extinguished, if they mus. but let the embers continue glowing - bcos there will still b light, even in the darkness.
-; little lotte } @ 11:37 AM
the superficial world.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
on the word of frens - i'm getting tired of trying to hold to frens who r drifting frm me. i tried - i make time to talk to them, to spend them in their company, but i noe i cant hold on any longer. i can see it in their eyes - the rejection, the "wad-do-you-wan?" look.
how much more tears can i shed over this? how much pain can i take? the more i tried, the deeper the wound cuts, although on the exterior, it looks nothing more than a mere scratch.
i jus wan to giv up n lock myself up again. it's getting too hard - i've done my best. i'm tired, too tired. i'm drowning n i dun wan to come up n try to take another breath. i jus wan to close my eyes, let the water cover me, n sleep on without all these pain n feelings.
-; little lotte } @ 9:44 PM
the superficial world.
on the word of frens - i'm getting tired of trying to hold to frens who r drifting frm me. i tried - i make time to talk to them, to spend them in their company, but i noe i cant hold on any longer. i can see it in their eyes - the rejection, the "wad-do-you-wan?" look.
how much more tears can i shed over this? how much pain can i take? the more i tried, the deeper the wound cuts, although on the exterior, it looks nothing more than a mere scratch.
i jus wan to giv up n lock myself up again. it's getting too hard - i've done my best. i'm tired, too tired. i'm drowning n i dun wan to come up n try to take another breath. i jus wan to close my eyes, let the water cover me, n sleep on without all these pain n feelings.
-; little lotte } @ 9:44 PM
the superficial world.
on the word of frens - i'm getting tired of trying to hold to frens who r drifting frm me. i tried - i make time to talk to them, to spend them in their company, but i noe i cant hold on any longer. i can see it in their eyes - the rejection, the "wad-do-you-wan?" look.
how much more tears can i shed over this? how much pain can i take? the more i tried, the deeper the wound cuts, although on the exterior, it looks nothing more than a mere scratch.
i jus wan to giv up n lock myself up again. it's getting too hard - i've done my best. i'm tired, too tired. i'm drowning n i dun wan to come up n try to take another breath. i jus wan to close my eyes, let the water cover me, n sleep on without all these pain n feelings.
-; little lotte } @ 9:44 PM
the superficial world.
friendship - ever thot abt wad this word means? the breakdown of "friendship" is "friends" & "ship". here i define them accordingly:
friendsfriends r ppl we love, care, trust; whose company we enjoy, cherish. friends r ppl we share our secrets with, confiding in them everything that matters to us. friends r ppl who will lift us up when life is down, who understand n listen w/o words. there r no strings attached, no questions ask - they never ask for anything in return. friends r ppl who will giv u the space to grow, w/o growing apart. they r special ppl who r there, always there, no matter how ugly u r, no matter wad flaws u hav - to them u r the best gift they've ever had. they'll never judge u, never hurt u - even if they tell on u n tell u off, there is only 1 thing in their mind - their care for u.
shipa simple definition - it is a vessel that sails on all kinds of water - calm, stormy, angry, vicious, serene... etc...
then friends r ppl who will sail this life together, who will stand by u no matter wad - even thru anger, they'll ride out w u. that is the meaning of friendship.
-; little lotte } @ 9:26 PM
the superficial world.
friendship - ever thot abt wad this word means? the breakdown of "friendship" is "friends" & "ship". here i define them accordingly:
friendsfriends r ppl we love, care, trust; whose company we enjoy, cherish. friends r ppl we share our secrets with, confiding in them everything that matters to us. friends r ppl who will lift us up when life is down, who understand n listen w/o words. there r no strings attached, no questions ask - they never ask for anything in return. friends r ppl who will giv u the space to grow, w/o growing apart. they r special ppl who r there, always there, no matter how ugly u r, no matter wad flaws u hav - to them u r the best gift they've ever had. they'll never judge u, never hurt u - even if they tell on u n tell u off, there is only 1 thing in their mind - their care for u.
shipa simple definition - it is a vessel that sails on all kinds of water - calm, stormy, angry, vicious, serene... etc...
then friends r ppl who will sail this life together, who will stand by u no matter wad - even thru anger, they'll ride out w u. that is the meaning of friendship.
-; little lotte } @ 9:26 PM
the superficial world.
friendship - ever thot abt wad this word means? the breakdown of "friendship" is "friends" & "ship". here i define them accordingly:
friendsfriends r ppl we love, care, trust; whose company we enjoy, cherish. friends r ppl we share our secrets with, confiding in them everything that matters to us. friends r ppl who will lift us up when life is down, who understand n listen w/o words. there r no strings attached, no questions ask - they never ask for anything in return. friends r ppl who will giv u the space to grow, w/o growing apart. they r special ppl who r there, always there, no matter how ugly u r, no matter wad flaws u hav - to them u r the best gift they've ever had. they'll never judge u, never hurt u - even if they tell on u n tell u off, there is only 1 thing in their mind - their care for u.
shipa simple definition - it is a vessel that sails on all kinds of water - calm, stormy, angry, vicious, serene... etc...
then friends r ppl who will sail this life together, who will stand by u no matter wad - even thru anger, they'll ride out w u. that is the meaning of friendship.
-; little lotte } @ 9:26 PM
the superficial world.
Saturday, August 14, 2004
i always wonder about life. for a long time now, i've searched this answer and found none. i've walked down many paths, nearly destroying myself. and then, the answer came to me in a poem n a game that i used to play.
If I Can Stop One Heart from BreakingEmily DickinsonIf I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.
If I can ease one life from aching;
Or cool one pain;
Or help one lonely person
Into happiness again -
I shall not live in vain.the answer was simple: everyone in this life has need for one another. we can turn to religion (i've tried), turn to love, turn to anything - but until we turn to each other, we will not find anything:
I sought my soul
But my soul I could not see.
I sought my God
But my God eluded me.
I sought my brother
And I found all three. - Source Unknowni remember as a child, i've always enjoy playing with things with reflective surfaces, especially with mirror. i was intrigued by the ability of these surfaces - that no matter how small they were, they were able to refect light into places. as i grew up, i played less and never thought abt it again. until now.
i realised that i'm only a small part player in this large world. i'm, but, a small mirror. but no matter how small i am, i can reflect light into ppl - i may not change their lives, but perhaps, they see wad i do. i've understand that the game of mirror n reflection is not a childish game, but a metaphor for wad i might do with my life.
this is wad i've been looking for. this is my meaning of life.
-; little lotte } @ 4:53 PM
the superficial world.
i always wonder about life. for a long time now, i've searched this answer and found none. i've walked down many paths, nearly destroying myself. and then, the answer came to me in a poem n a game that i used to play.
If I Can Stop One Heart from BreakingEmily DickinsonIf I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.
If I can ease one life from aching;
Or cool one pain;
Or help one lonely person
Into happiness again -
I shall not live in vain.the answer was simple: everyone in this life has need for one another. we can turn to religion (i've tried), turn to love, turn to anything - but until we turn to each other, we will not find anything:
I sought my soul
But my soul I could not see.
I sought my God
But my God eluded me.
I sought my brother
And I found all three. - Source Unknowni remember as a child, i've always enjoy playing with things with reflective surfaces, especially with mirror. i was intrigued by the ability of these surfaces - that no matter how small they were, they were able to refect light into places. as i grew up, i played less and never thought abt it again. until now.
i realised that i'm only a small part player in this large world. i'm, but, a small mirror. but no matter how small i am, i can reflect light into ppl - i may not change their lives, but perhaps, they see wad i do. i've understand that the game of mirror n reflection is not a childish game, but a metaphor for wad i might do with my life.
this is wad i've been looking for. this is my meaning of life.
-; little lotte } @ 4:53 PM
the superficial world.
i always wonder about life. for a long time now, i've searched this answer and found none. i've walked down many paths, nearly destroying myself. and then, the answer came to me in a poem n a game that i used to play.
If I Can Stop One Heart from BreakingEmily DickinsonIf I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain.
If I can ease one life from aching;
Or cool one pain;
Or help one lonely person
Into happiness again -
I shall not live in vain.the answer was simple: everyone in this life has need for one another. we can turn to religion (i've tried), turn to love, turn to anything - but until we turn to each other, we will not find anything:
I sought my soul
But my soul I could not see.
I sought my God
But my God eluded me.
I sought my brother
And I found all three. - Source Unknowni remember as a child, i've always enjoy playing with things with reflective surfaces, especially with mirror. i was intrigued by the ability of these surfaces - that no matter how small they were, they were able to refect light into places. as i grew up, i played less and never thought abt it again. until now.
i realised that i'm only a small part player in this large world. i'm, but, a small mirror. but no matter how small i am, i can reflect light into ppl - i may not change their lives, but perhaps, they see wad i do. i've understand that the game of mirror n reflection is not a childish game, but a metaphor for wad i might do with my life.
this is wad i've been looking for. this is my meaning of life.
-; little lotte } @ 4:53 PM
the superficial world.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
over the wkend, i went to get a pair of new glasses made. i wan something different - from my old pair of glasses. i mean, i've been wearing my old one since sec 2 or 3 - abt 3 yrs now. time for a change, ain't it?
yupz, anyway, i searched the shop for a very very long time, trying to find a pair that i would fall in love with. i found several frames that looked gd on me but i didn't like the color cos they look abit tacky for my image n didn't suit me - orange, light purple, pink, red. finally, i found a pair that i really love - it was a purple-blue frame, rectangular and miles away from the specs that i'd been wearing. i decided to get that pair made although the price is a little steep. but hey - i'm not like my bro who changes his glasses like every 2 or 3 mths.
here's a pic of it. i tink i look different but great. haha!! *winks*
btw, my bro got a pair of oakley glasses. i tink it's a waste of money on his part cos he doesn't noe how to take care of his things sometimes. the lens weren't oakley's, thankfully. i tink it would cost my dad at least $1000 if he had demanded for a FULL oakley - frames n lens.
i'm going to sch w my new glasses tml. i wonder wad ppl will tink. but i love it so i'm not going to bother!! *whee!!*
-; little lotte } @ 9:38 PM
the superficial world.
over the wkend, i went to get a pair of new glasses made. i wan something different - from my old pair of glasses. i mean, i've been wearing my old one since sec 2 or 3 - abt 3 yrs now. time for a change, ain't it?
yupz, anyway, i searched the shop for a very very long time, trying to find a pair that i would fall in love with. i found several frames that looked gd on me but i didn't like the color cos they look abit tacky for my image n didn't suit me - orange, light purple, pink, red. finally, i found a pair that i really love - it was a purple-blue frame, rectangular and miles away from the specs that i'd been wearing. i decided to get that pair made although the price is a little steep. but hey - i'm not like my bro who changes his glasses like every 2 or 3 mths.
here's a pic of it. i tink i look different but great. haha!! *winks*
btw, my bro got a pair of oakley glasses. i tink it's a waste of money on his part cos he doesn't noe how to take care of his things sometimes. the lens weren't oakley's, thankfully. i tink it would cost my dad at least $1000 if he had demanded for a FULL oakley - frames n lens.
i'm going to sch w my new glasses tml. i wonder wad ppl will tink. but i love it so i'm not going to bother!! *whee!!*
-; little lotte } @ 9:38 PM
the superficial world.
over the wkend, i went to get a pair of new glasses made. i wan something different - from my old pair of glasses. i mean, i've been wearing my old one since sec 2 or 3 - abt 3 yrs now. time for a change, ain't it?
yupz, anyway, i searched the shop for a very very long time, trying to find a pair that i would fall in love with. i found several frames that looked gd on me but i didn't like the color cos they look abit tacky for my image n didn't suit me - orange, light purple, pink, red. finally, i found a pair that i really love - it was a purple-blue frame, rectangular and miles away from the specs that i'd been wearing. i decided to get that pair made although the price is a little steep. but hey - i'm not like my bro who changes his glasses like every 2 or 3 mths.
here's a pic of it. i tink i look different but great. haha!! *winks*
btw, my bro got a pair of oakley glasses. i tink it's a waste of money on his part cos he doesn't noe how to take care of his things sometimes. the lens weren't oakley's, thankfully. i tink it would cost my dad at least $1000 if he had demanded for a FULL oakley - frames n lens.
i'm going to sch w my new glasses tml. i wonder wad ppl will tink. but i love it so i'm not going to bother!! *whee!!*
-; little lotte } @ 9:38 PM
the superficial world.
Sunday, August 8, 2004
i dislike long wkends. it means loads of work n completing backlogs. looking at them also tells me one thing: i've been procrastinating. A LOT! i dun seem to b gettin anything done at all. which is bad.
i shldn't - not when my prelims is in less than a month's time. but the truth is i need some time out as well.
i'll b meeting my cousins later. i'll b pigging out later.
let's all get fat together. haha.random thoughts:
John Donne is a sensible metaphysical poet on senseless days when we're looking for the meaning of life :). otherwise he would be a dirty old man (sex...) discoursing philosophy, religion, etc... on paper.
-; little lotte } @ 12:00 PM
the superficial world.
i dislike long wkends. it means loads of work n completing backlogs. looking at them also tells me one thing: i've been procrastinating. A LOT! i dun seem to b gettin anything done at all. which is bad.
i shldn't - not when my prelims is in less than a month's time. but the truth is i need some time out as well.
i'll b meeting my cousins later. i'll b pigging out later.
let's all get fat together. haha.random thoughts:
John Donne is a sensible metaphysical poet on senseless days when we're looking for the meaning of life :). otherwise he would be a dirty old man (sex...) discoursing philosophy, religion, etc... on paper.
-; little lotte } @ 12:00 PM
the superficial world.
i dislike long wkends. it means loads of work n completing backlogs. looking at them also tells me one thing: i've been procrastinating. A LOT! i dun seem to b gettin anything done at all. which is bad.
i shldn't - not when my prelims is in less than a month's time. but the truth is i need some time out as well.
i'll b meeting my cousins later. i'll b pigging out later.
let's all get fat together. haha.random thoughts:
John Donne is a sensible metaphysical poet on senseless days when we're looking for the meaning of life :). otherwise he would be a dirty old man (sex...) discoursing philosophy, religion, etc... on paper.
-; little lotte } @ 12:00 PM
the superficial world.
Friday, August 6, 2004
today is Mr. Quah's funeral. it was at a lovely church - church of St. Benadette. i met up w Yuzhen n her frens n we went there together.
upon getting there, i saw that the casket was already there. it was waiting at the church's door, waiting for the mass to begin. i hesitated before the casket vehicle - it bore Mr. Quah's picture. for some reasons, i couldn't bring myself to pass the vehicle or his picture. i jus stopped there n stared at it for a while. at that pt, i felt all the suppressed emotions rushing up again. i refused to cry n i turned away, angry at myself for allowing tears n marched into the church w/o looking back.
taking my seat w Yuzhen, Xingzhi n 2 other srs, i scanned the place n found alot o familiar faces. i didn't see kelly or weiqi or anyone else in my class except perrine. mayb i was blind; mayb they were there, i jus missed them completely. my seat on the pew faced the alter n that gave me a gd sanctuary for observation.
shortly after the mass started, i felt all the emotions overflowing once more, threatening to break out. i didn't noe how it all started, but i supposed it was when i realised that everything Mr. Quah did was for US!! FOR US!!! in my heart, feelings of regret, guilt swam n clashed. i felt like a horrendous student. he had never given up hope on me - he believed that i can do it; he saw my potential; and he pushed me towards it. in some ways, he succeeded. i felt really awful - i've never appreciated him n everything he did till now. and it's too late!... when they sounded the death bell again at the end of the mass, i felt weak n tired. in my heart, i kept screaming, 'no! not now! let him live again! let him live - so i can tell him wad i wan to say!' i kept praying to Our Father. i noe He will tell Mr. Quah wad's in my heart n wad i meant to say.
at the cremetory, the men removed the lid of the casket n we were allowed to place flowers inside. as i approached the casket, i saw him laid out. i was stunned n shocked - he was not the robust man i knew in sec4. he was withered, thin, n wad little hair was left marked his fierce battle n final fight w the monster cancer tat took him away frm us. he was wasted - yet, a shine seemed to b emitting frm him. i studied his face thru my tears n i thot i saw a smile. as i dropped the flower into his casket, i whispered 'thank u' to him, n felt a deep pang o loss n pain. i dunno if he heard me - i hope he did, in Heaven where he is.
he left us. he'll never come back. in my heart, i'll remember a man who stressed us tremendously, bcos he cares for us. i'll remember wad he teaches me n pass it on. i noe he'll watch over me n he'll never give up on me. like wad his niece said, he is a legacy - a man in his own league.
A great man died the other day. n his name is Mr. Quah S.K. who served faithfully in SAC for exactly 28 yrs frm 2 aug 76 - 2 aug 04. i'll miss this man who made a great impact in my life.
thank u, Mr. Quah (27 nov 51 - 2 aug 04). thank u for everything.
-; little lotte } @ 10:29 PM
the superficial world.
today is Mr. Quah's funeral. it was at a lovely church - church of St. Benadette. i met up w Yuzhen n her frens n we went there together.
upon getting there, i saw that the casket was already there. it was waiting at the church's door, waiting for the mass to begin. i hesitated before the casket vehicle - it bore Mr. Quah's picture. for some reasons, i couldn't bring myself to pass the vehicle or his picture. i jus stopped there n stared at it for a while. at that pt, i felt all the suppressed emotions rushing up again. i refused to cry n i turned away, angry at myself for allowing tears n marched into the church w/o looking back.
taking my seat w Yuzhen, Xingzhi n 2 other srs, i scanned the place n found alot o familiar faces. i didn't see kelly or weiqi or anyone else in my class except perrine. mayb i was blind; mayb they were there, i jus missed them completely. my seat on the pew faced the alter n that gave me a gd sanctuary for observation.
shortly after the mass started, i felt all the emotions overflowing once more, threatening to break out. i didn't noe how it all started, but i supposed it was when i realised that everything Mr. Quah did was for US!! FOR US!!! in my heart, feelings of regret, guilt swam n clashed. i felt like a horrendous student. he had never given up hope on me - he believed that i can do it; he saw my potential; and he pushed me towards it. in some ways, he succeeded. i felt really awful - i've never appreciated him n everything he did till now. and it's too late!... when they sounded the death bell again at the end of the mass, i felt weak n tired. in my heart, i kept screaming, 'no! not now! let him live again! let him live - so i can tell him wad i wan to say!' i kept praying to Our Father. i noe He will tell Mr. Quah wad's in my heart n wad i meant to say.
at the cremetory, the men removed the lid of the casket n we were allowed to place flowers inside. as i approached the casket, i saw him laid out. i was stunned n shocked - he was not the robust man i knew in sec4. he was withered, thin, n wad little hair was left marked his fierce battle n final fight w the monster cancer tat took him away frm us. he was wasted - yet, a shine seemed to b emitting frm him. i studied his face thru my tears n i thot i saw a smile. as i dropped the flower into his casket, i whispered 'thank u' to him, n felt a deep pang o loss n pain. i dunno if he heard me - i hope he did, in Heaven where he is.
he left us. he'll never come back. in my heart, i'll remember a man who stressed us tremendously, bcos he cares for us. i'll remember wad he teaches me n pass it on. i noe he'll watch over me n he'll never give up on me. like wad his niece said, he is a legacy - a man in his own league.
A great man died the other day. n his name is Mr. Quah S.K. who served faithfully in SAC for exactly 28 yrs frm 2 aug 76 - 2 aug 04. i'll miss this man who made a great impact in my life.
thank u, Mr. Quah (27 nov 51 - 2 aug 04). thank u for everything.
-; little lotte } @ 10:29 PM
the superficial world.
today is Mr. Quah's funeral. it was at a lovely church - church of St. Benadette. i met up w Yuzhen n her frens n we went there together.
upon getting there, i saw that the casket was already there. it was waiting at the church's door, waiting for the mass to begin. i hesitated before the casket vehicle - it bore Mr. Quah's picture. for some reasons, i couldn't bring myself to pass the vehicle or his picture. i jus stopped there n stared at it for a while. at that pt, i felt all the suppressed emotions rushing up again. i refused to cry n i turned away, angry at myself for allowing tears n marched into the church w/o looking back.
taking my seat w Yuzhen, Xingzhi n 2 other srs, i scanned the place n found alot o familiar faces. i didn't see kelly or weiqi or anyone else in my class except perrine. mayb i was blind; mayb they were there, i jus missed them completely. my seat on the pew faced the alter n that gave me a gd sanctuary for observation.
shortly after the mass started, i felt all the emotions overflowing once more, threatening to break out. i didn't noe how it all started, but i supposed it was when i realised that everything Mr. Quah did was for US!! FOR US!!! in my heart, feelings of regret, guilt swam n clashed. i felt like a horrendous student. he had never given up hope on me - he believed that i can do it; he saw my potential; and he pushed me towards it. in some ways, he succeeded. i felt really awful - i've never appreciated him n everything he did till now. and it's too late!... when they sounded the death bell again at the end of the mass, i felt weak n tired. in my heart, i kept screaming, 'no! not now! let him live again! let him live - so i can tell him wad i wan to say!' i kept praying to Our Father. i noe He will tell Mr. Quah wad's in my heart n wad i meant to say.
at the cremetory, the men removed the lid of the casket n we were allowed to place flowers inside. as i approached the casket, i saw him laid out. i was stunned n shocked - he was not the robust man i knew in sec4. he was withered, thin, n wad little hair was left marked his fierce battle n final fight w the monster cancer tat took him away frm us. he was wasted - yet, a shine seemed to b emitting frm him. i studied his face thru my tears n i thot i saw a smile. as i dropped the flower into his casket, i whispered 'thank u' to him, n felt a deep pang o loss n pain. i dunno if he heard me - i hope he did, in Heaven where he is.
he left us. he'll never come back. in my heart, i'll remember a man who stressed us tremendously, bcos he cares for us. i'll remember wad he teaches me n pass it on. i noe he'll watch over me n he'll never give up on me. like wad his niece said, he is a legacy - a man in his own league.
A great man died the other day. n his name is Mr. Quah S.K. who served faithfully in SAC for exactly 28 yrs frm 2 aug 76 - 2 aug 04. i'll miss this man who made a great impact in my life.
thank u, Mr. Quah (27 nov 51 - 2 aug 04). thank u for everything.
-; little lotte } @ 10:29 PM
the superficial world.
Tuesday, August 3, 2004
Mr Quah passed away on monday morning.
he was my pe teacher from sec 1 - 4, n my tennis coach n teacher.
i've never been his favourtie student - n most o the time, he picked on me cos i could b quite an ass if i wanted to.
but he made me who i m - n for that i'm thankful. if it weren't for his harsh wrods, his nagging, his lashings n tests, i'll never b the strong person i m. i'd never hav the guts to speak my mind. i'd never b able to lead my cca with my frens. i'd never find the determination n strength in me. i'd never dare to dream, dare to fall n fly again.
thank you, Mr Quah. thank you for shaping me. my only regret is that i never get a chance to say all these words to you, n to thank you for wad you hav done for me - bcos i was foolish enough to think that i've time. only now i realised that this is not - not when you left us, all too soon...
-; little lotte } @ 10:48 PM
the superficial world.
Mr Quah passed away on monday morning.
he was my pe teacher from sec 1 - 4, n my tennis coach n teacher.
i've never been his favourtie student - n most o the time, he picked on me cos i could b quite an ass if i wanted to.
but he made me who i m - n for that i'm thankful. if it weren't for his harsh wrods, his nagging, his lashings n tests, i'll never b the strong person i m. i'd never hav the guts to speak my mind. i'd never b able to lead my cca with my frens. i'd never find the determination n strength in me. i'd never dare to dream, dare to fall n fly again.
thank you, Mr Quah. thank you for shaping me. my only regret is that i never get a chance to say all these words to you, n to thank you for wad you hav done for me - bcos i was foolish enough to think that i've time. only now i realised that this is not - not when you left us, all too soon...
-; little lotte } @ 10:48 PM
the superficial world.
Mr Quah passed away on monday morning.
he was my pe teacher from sec 1 - 4, n my tennis coach n teacher.
i've never been his favourtie student - n most o the time, he picked on me cos i could b quite an ass if i wanted to.
but he made me who i m - n for that i'm thankful. if it weren't for his harsh wrods, his nagging, his lashings n tests, i'll never b the strong person i m. i'd never hav the guts to speak my mind. i'd never b able to lead my cca with my frens. i'd never find the determination n strength in me. i'd never dare to dream, dare to fall n fly again.
thank you, Mr Quah. thank you for shaping me. my only regret is that i never get a chance to say all these words to you, n to thank you for wad you hav done for me - bcos i was foolish enough to think that i've time. only now i realised that this is not - not when you left us, all too soon...
-; little lotte } @ 10:48 PM
the superficial world.
